Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Make a Difference

Local trains are the lifeline of Mumbai, where we come across different types of people. My experience though is confined to the ladies compartment both first and second class. It was during one of my journey's some years ago that I saw a group of ladies forcing a young kid selling notebooks to get off the compartment as it was the first class. It made me question what was the child's fault?  why the second hand citizen treatment?

Good evening Toastmaster of the day and fellow Toastmasters.

Has it ever happened to you like it did to me that a particular incident shook you to the core? Blurring the lines between black and white, making you question people. How do they help in the progress of their society? That giving charity to the underprivileged is not the only thing they need, that there is more.

Let me share with you all a story that is very close to my heart. I graduated in the summer of 2013, though I felt elated and free there was a void in me. A void no matter what I did, didn't disappear. It left me pondering; I had everything for comfort a roof over my head, meals three times a day, education and my family but what about those others who struggled day in and out. I was bursting with energy I wanted to give back to society, to the people who help in making our lives comfortable on the expense of theirs. I had heard donating money is the best help you can give to people.

However, I wanted to do something that was more than momentary, something they  could use. And the opportunity presented itself. I was recruited in an NGO called MAD, Make a Difference as a teaching volunteer. Every Sunday from 3 to 6 p.m. starting from the month of August I began visiting my assigned shelter home St. Francis Orphanage in Borivali. It was no cake walk, it should be shouldn't it after all, all I taught those kids was English for two hours at the most. It wasn't the teaching nor the commitment that was tough it was the connection, the social gap that was there. Each Sunday was a revelation.

I was assigned four 8th std kids and one of the biggest hurdles I had was connecting with those teenage boys. At first it was difficult they were too mischievous and troublesome for my handling especially those initial days when I had no buddy. Half the time it was like police and robbers game where I was the one chasing them to sit in one place and eventually at the end I was the one left tired and they laughing at me. I used to get irked easily those days but later on I realised this was the only time they could laugh and enjoy. With the passing of time we grew closer though not as much as I would have liked as they were with my buddy Omkar. He was the cool teacher and I was the one they turned to when they were down or too energetic.

There were moments of intense joy and downright sadness with all those emotions that were directly linked to what happened with them over the week. And eventually the year came to end.

I had gone there to teach to make these kids a part of the global nation but it was I who ended up learning. I taught them English they taught me the language of emotions, of understanding, of true joy, contentment and hope. They do not crave charity a hundred or so odd others give them that, what makes them smile is love,  time and effort freely given. In an age where we run behind materialistic things looking far ahead at the bigger picture we often times forget the small pixels, the ones when joined together make a spectacular picture. On an end note all I would say is "We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." 

-Fatima


Sunday, September 7, 2014

Colloquy in Cold

Prelude to this

It was nearing eventide, the quaint cafe at the end of the cobblestone road was nearly vacated. A band of youngsters were crooning to some soft acoustic music filling the café with mellow notes.

She was sitting across him nestling a cup of warm black coffee in the confines of her mitten covered palms. Winters, coffee, conversations and them, they were the only things that remained unchanged in a sea of time, careers and friendships. The only ones they looked forward to every year.  One thing led to another, and laughter breezed through them.

"I suspect highly that sharing our feelings make us raw to being vulnerable. It’s better to not share because sometimes, some things are best locked in the crevices of our hearts and minds. You know it is not good when someone knows us to the point of vulnerability. It’s like they can exploit you and you can’t even put a stop to it," Ayah swift-ed the chat.

Having known each other for the past eight years he was not at all surprised by the sudden change in conversation. Yasin nibbled the last of his biscuit before reciprocating back to her.

"Sometimes you let people know you, and you do that to fight your own loneliness. Some might say, I prefer my solitude but aren't they the same people whose face lights up in the company of others. Aren't they susceptible to vulnerability? The smile that brightens their moment gives away more than words ever can. You know you aren't really vulnerable until you let yourself be."

"I wish I could hug you, but we both know how afraid I am. Afraid to trust someone all over again," she responded softly continuing to gaze outside seeing the rain loudly lashing the window pane.    

-Fatima

Part II

Monday, September 24, 2012

Fading


Sometimes you defy your own destiny,
Sometimes you alone are responsible for the woes in your life..
Sometimes you love so much that it becomes suffocation,
Sometimes your truth becomes your lie..
Sometimes you break friendships with your own hands..
Sometimes you be honest and the honesty backfires,
Sometimes you want to cry and not a tear falls..
Sometimes you stab and betray when all you wanted was not too..
Sometimes you know it was love but it comes across as something else...
Sometimes you  are only the cause of your shattered self,
Sometimes you deserve...deserve to be alone and isolated..
Coz sometimes you snatch your own hope and break the one you love...


-Fatima

Saturday, August 25, 2012

confessions of my heart: interlude 2

Earlier chapter in this series can be found here...
Confessions Of My Heart: Part 1
Confessions Of My Heart: Part 2
Confessions Of My Heart: Part 3
Confessions Of My Heart: Interlude 1

Confessions Of My Heart: Interlude 2



Dear Armaan,

It’s a cold rainy night with the weak looming ominously ahead.  The rustling of leaves and sweet murmur of the pouring rain are the only sounds that whisper to me. My mind is stirring with a million things yet it is blank and tears are relentlessly rolling down my cheeks.

I’m crying, I can’t help but cry as there is this void that has engulfed me. My heart aches still I try to be strong and it’s breaking me apart each day. I wait, wait for you to come back and hold me in your embrace, loving and caressing me like always. There are days when all I want is to bridge the gap and come running to you as the distance that separates us in not miles apart but hearts apart. But, I can’t do that, can I? When it’s you who’s tearing us apart.

Without you I’m a burned down flame,
Whose ray, no longer lights the way…

A soulless flower, A coast-less bay…
A deemed topaz, A dried sea…
A mirthless bird and a hazy memory…

Without you I’m there but I don’t seem to be,
Come back my love,
As each day now seems like eternity…

I don’t have it in me to say anything more as I’m nothing but an emotional mess. Though you say waiting is a waste of time and I’ll realize it someday yet I will be right here waiting for you. And I wish it were easy but it’s hard to stop loving and say goodbye.

Love,
Faya

P.S: The poem is written by me.



-Fatima 


Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Sleepless Dreams



Like fallen petals of a dried red rose,
Hugging herself she bellows,
Reviving his aura and holding his essence,
She reminisces the times of his presence.

-Fatima



Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Only Love

Only Love


Stars shine in the deep blue sky,
Drawing a path between You & I…
Murmuring thy love so cherubic,
Making my mind revert to the memories sweet…

Closing my eyes I think of you,
Letting your love slowly course through…
The silent wind upholds promises true,
Casting a smile on my face too…

The rhythmic beat of your heart…
Sounds so soulful and divine,
Quivering I lean and kiss you…
Your lips feel so gentle on mine…

It feels so good and real,
I wish you were really here…
Holding hands, caressing my hair…
Till eyes were heavy and dropping with sleep.

And I know we will someday be,
Content and cherishing…
From daylight to dusk,
Till then its only love that comforts me!

-Fatima

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Breathless Breathing....



She walks on a broken path,
With broken hopes and dreams...
Trying to find her way out of the dark.

Gazing at stark bleak night,
With no one by her side...
She sobs letting out the tears buried deep inside...

Immeasurable infinite...
Is the blackness that surrounds,
Struggling to evade it she treads all alone...

Love is the reason they say,
Love is deception they cry...
But its only love that can heal and release !

-Fatima

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

You & Me



You & Me 

With the arrival of a new dawn,
Memories glisten like drops of dew...
It feels like just yesterday,
When you and me had met...

Breaking from my reverie,
I realize years have elapsed...
Leaving me and you together,
To cherish our coming days!

-Fatima

P.S: Wishing you a very Happy Diwali :)

Saturday, October 1, 2011

An Incomplete Story....






Tonight I feel the need to be engulfed in your arms,
Rest my head on your heart,
And listen to the rhythm that surrounds,
Forgetting the world around…

A moment of bliss,
A moment of joy,
Hoping you won’t deny…
Is all that I have been wishing.

I don’t know how does it feel,
To be loved by the one you love,
For once I wish to be there,
To feel and revel.

To stare in your eyes,
To look in your soul,
To melt and merge in you,
Though it only last for a day…

I wish I were the key,
To unlock the doors of your heart,
And know I’m the one,
Who resides in thee…

Tonight yet again I feel the need,
To be the laughter in your silence,
The memory in your moments,
And the song that your heart sings…

- Fatima

Sunday, September 18, 2011

From The Bottom of My Heart!


From The Bottom of My Heart!

Years rolled and seasons changed,
Yet everything still remained the same...
Spring meant joy and winter bought gloom,
Still I was the same, all lonesome!

Only friendship ruled,
And love didn't mean a thing...
But it doesn't seem to be true anymore,
As your now a part of my soul!

Words fall short and emotions overflow,
One moment I'm dancing like a daffodil...
The other as dull as a withering rose,
Yet I dunno how should I tell ??

That, I love you in the spring...
And love you even in the fall...
In noon and also the moonlit hours,
And will always, with my heart and soul!

-Fatima

P.S: I had written this poem back then on 17th March '11 on the request of a friend of mine...Finally posting it here :)

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Fantasy...



Fantasy

The pain has frozen,
And the tears barely fall...
Feel to be engulfed in your embrace,
And be cocooned in your arms.

Wish life was a fairy tale,
With love conquering all...
Where the prince charming kissed,
And all was well after all.

But life is a harsh reality,
Each step you walk, a sacrifice awaits...
Why you and me, I ask??
Ah! God doesn't answer just a smiling face.

-Fatima

P.S:  Edited the P.S somehow don't want everyone to read it :)

Monday, August 15, 2011

Paper is Patient than Man !!


Paper is Patient than Man !!




At this moment instead of penning down this write up which technically isn’t a write up but just an emotional vent out, I should be doing my mid-term seminar report whose submission is due tomorrow but somehow I just can’t concentrate on the task at hand and ended up crying now that’s really silly of me….lol I can’t believe I was unable to cry some days back and now I’m crying as if some tragedy has befallen me…


So much so that I’ve distanced myself from people whom I call friends, hardly feel like talking to them though none may agree to it coz I still keep on chattering non-stop and the reason is I don’t want those guys to worry about me…on a serious note I really dunno how many of them really and actually care..but it doesn’t matter anymore you see…and even the fact that I hardly feel like socializing and meeting buddies, I can’t avoid the ones I meet everyday can I ?? Hell no, if I do so I’ll be labeled as Anti-Social and hey I can’t even bear that tag…messed up you see…



I’m such a tube light at times…A friend of mine had requested me to write a poem on Independence Day..but I got so stuck up in work that I forgot about it until today morning…I felt like I wish I had taken some time out from the hectic schedule for myself and written something what’s the point in running away...but was I really running away I dunno ?? If, yes then from whom myself or the world….guess me only I don’t really care about the world anymore apart from the people who make my world and are a part of it…and I really miss some of them though lemme be true to you…there are barely 3-4 people who comprise in my little world :) and I love them to the core..they are those who I call my friends….on Saturday I was missing one of them as it was Rakshabhandan and today like always I’m missing one such friend a lot, doesn’t mean I don’t miss others but sometimes its someone specific and that feeling just can’t be expressed or explained, Absence and Distance does make the heart grow fonder…earlier just quoted it for the sake of it and now believe it… wonderful !!


I very well know all that’s written over here doesn’t make any sense at least it does to me at this moment dunno about if this will make sense, when this phase passes….but I guess that’s the way it is…and why to keep things bottled up in your heart and trouble your own self…best to let it out in words… In fact, somewhere I’m really happy this is my first blog post made from my lappy though it doesn’t truly reflect me but just a glimpse of my emotions that have been running high since quite a time…



 I dunno why but I’m having this urge to share some three line verse I had written long long back at the end of this post…I really dunno if it’ll make sense as the end note but doesn’t matter does it ?? So here they go,


“Your stole my words before I could speak, 
Shattered my heart even before I could cherish my feelings…
And now I’m only left with forlorn hope.”
                                                                                                                 
Finally feeling good to have let out….in deed Paper is Patient than Man!

-Fatima

P.S: I know I'm being too lazy and I din comment or as a matter of fact have not read any of the recent blog post...but I hope to read them soon.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Post #7

Post #7



Sitting on the rough rocks,
The harsh wind blows by...
Seeing his love and longing,
The sky too cries...

-Fatima

P.S: This time I thought of just summing up all the feelings that Mayank is going through just in some four lines, a new experiment for me...I thought of 55 words fiction but settled for this. The shorter the sweeter..do give in your valuable views :) 

Link To Next Part 

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Love

Love



Love is not You and Me,
Nor is love glancing and a passing phase,
Love is Now and Forever,
As love is We! 

-Fatima

P.S: A happy happy one after long... :)

Saturday, May 7, 2011

MOMENTS


This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 20; the twentieth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

MOMENTS 

(This is actually the Post #5...a continuation from this series Post #4)



"As the rain drops caress my soul, let them caress yours too,
Let your guards down and enjoy the heavenly pleasure
of soaking in contentment and glee,
Gathering happy memories with you and giving way to more,
Letting your mistakes and past flow and purify you to the core,
Enjoy this wonderful weather...
With a smile and joy in your eyes like I do !"



        The December rains always leave me in a trance, heavy rainfall accompanied by snowfall later mesmerizes me as the weather is considerably below and beautiful and that adds to the unending expanse of scenic beauty as romance is in the air.

        Unlike other days, today I'm sitting by the window pane and enjoying the pleasant and exotic beauty of nature contemplating how there was a time when I freely twirled and swirled in the rains and soaked my soul and was the most boisterous girl in the locality, but now I just admire and enjoy the beauty silently just like a demure soul. It is not that I'm a shy person or that melancholy has hit me oft recently it's just I'm observing and looking at life through a different angle. I'm not ignorant but an observant, "Joys and sorrows are a part and parcel of life, one sleeps whilst the other is awake!"  I learnt this from him I learnt a lot from him. He showed me the true meaning of love, concern and friendship. When people sympathized with me, he was empathetic to me. He was like the light in darkness and penetrated my abode with ease when others found it crooky. And though we may be apart, we are very much together.

"Twirling and swirling in the rain,
Drenching my soul,
A lone tear escapes...
I wonder and let out a sigh."


         Somewhere, same time he was walking through crooked lanes and narrow roads and enjoying the ethereal beauty of nature, he was not much of a person who admired nature but since the advent of her in his life he gained joy even in the smallest of things. Children danced and giggled in the rains, vendors sold their stuff each and everything was peaceful amidst the chaos. He felt like a free bird, raring and exuberant exploring the world and a thousand Watt smile lingered on his face remembering the words, "Hey, Mayank you walking with an umbrella in these rains? I know its an absurd question to ask but God you seriously don't know how to savor such a beautiful moment!" Tamanna's words rang loudly in his mind.

        With that he folded his umbrella and was contented covering the further journey soaking himself completely. He imagined Tamanna dancing in the rains and urging him to join her; the one girl who taught him to enjoy small moments of life despite the fact being a little depressed herself at times. She was really an enigma to him, and there she called him a mystery waiting to unfold. A lone tear escaped his eyes just remembering those beautiful moments!  

P.S: The girl described earlier in the first para is Tamanna.

-Fatima

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Credits

Image - Window Rain Drops by Eric Alder
Courtesy - www.deviantart.com via www.blogaton.in


Thursday, February 3, 2011

A Pinch of Hope !

 

A Pinch of Hope !

Before sunlight can shine,
An enchanting darkness smiles !

Lilies bloom and leaves rustle,
And a never ending gloom settles.

The moon is aglow and a starry night engulfs,
Leaving behind trails of lone memories to revive.

Time flees as birds fly,
Turning dusk to dawn and kindles hope.

Retracing the path that I walked on,
I gleam and shimmer like a new  born.

-Fatima 
P.S: This poem was written on a prompt..."Before the sunlight can shine." on Dec 21st!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Longing!

Longing!



Standing on the shore, gazing at the sea;
The sun turns mellow and the sky ocher,
The gleaming water sweeps, as I walk wondering by;
Waiting for his arrival I let out a sigh,
As the sun finally sets, I turn back to see...
On the shore he awaits, just for me!


-Fatima

Friday, January 21, 2011

Recluse.....


But I know it ain't that easy,
To cry in the night and wear a smile in morn,
I sigh and let out a small plea to the God above,
To help me forget and move on......
And give me strength to trod all alone....
 
P.S: I'm not moaning neither am I whining nor do I wish for sympathy or pity like some people may accuse me of, I'm just letting out trying to pour.......
-Fatima

Monday, January 10, 2011

Love.....Is It ??

Love.....Is It ?? 


"For one human being to love another is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof; the work for which all other work is but preparation."

~ Rainer Maria Rilke


Off lately my thoughts seem to revolve around love, yes love nothing new yet it is! I've been coming across several magazines and articles and they all seem to concern about relationships and how...How to make a woman fall in love with you and vice-versa and some other relating to this matter! And then one fine day just out of the blue or after just one meeting you pronounce "This is the one".  

Well quite a time since I mused over this subject, as I literally had drowned myself in melancholy and left no place for love in my life; well don't know if this is entirely true or just another fiction of my mind that it has cooked up to not accept the harsh realities of life or otherwise. Since all I do is that and not let out the true things that are hidden deep within, with this one I just hope to know myself more. I guess I should stop rambling though I know its all haywire and vague but that's the way it is, let me just begin before you run away.

I wonder really wonder now-a-days if, most people out here have any damn idea what love really means? Or feel its endless depth and flights of infinite passion. I am no one to comment on this fact, because I fear believing in love or rather I fear accepting love out loud, reasons still unknown to me but what I do know, believe and truly feel is that love is more of emotions and understanding. Some of my friends might be shocked reading this as just two days back I was fighting with myself over the existence of love and doubting it to the fullest when my heart knew love does exist and hence this post, coming back to where I was. In an age of  instant gratification and casual sex and one night stands or rather just a casual fling where love is more about physical presence, gifts and constant conversing with each other rather than emotional and a spiritual connect, would they accept years of separation and hardships, minimal meeting...let alone conversing with each other and just a faint chance of being united? Not to mention there are people who endure all this but it's quite rare, ain't it? 

The recent trend being "Break k Baad" or rather "Move On" (Fast Track :D) be a better option? Asked a friend some days back to whom I didn't talk for long..."How is it between you and your boyfriend?" The instant answer that popped up was, Ah! We broke up some 2 months back....when 2 months back she claimed He is the One...my-o-my !! And when the subject of conversation is me...my friends remark; forget him, move on you'll meet someone else and so on......What I don't get is, how do you stop loving someone so damn fast? If, my friends if at all read this they're gonna bash me up, though I know they won't read as most of the times they find my write ups esp. the ones on Love to be ludicrous as they feel I don't believe a word of what I write and all...and maybe some might even stop talking to me saying, you think we are like this? This is our view on love? but hello I'm just saying in general nothing personal. But keeping that apart where was I? yep, Do these people really know what love is, the sacrifice and the pains it invariably demands or the passion and zeal that keeps you trudging till the end? Maybe I'm sounding ludicrous to some but then even I agree on this that when love is painful and abusive its advisable to move away but just minor disagreements and not giving time or freedom... no freedom is not the correct word say just the slight signs of troubles and the relationship is snapped. "Forever" is mere weeks or months!

And that is the very reason my confusion and fear for love takes birth, nevertheless I love and that too wholeheartedly though it remains unrequited! Call me mad or just a person who is stalking someone and not truly loving and caring or label my love as infatuation or anything else as a matter of fact, but I can't deny my love though it means just silently loving knowing that person will maybe never reciprocate coz, I know and believe that there will hardly be anyone will truly understand me and my love and the extent of my love and without knowing just label it call me whimsical and what not...but does it matter? No, doesn't matter anymore as I'm tired of fighting and now I just want to lead myself to where my love and my destiny takes me. On an ending note I'm reminded of the words by Jimmie Davis and Charles Mitchell, 

"You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine....
You make me happy,
When the skies are Grey;
You'll never know dear
How much I love you,
Please don't take my sunshine away!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Fatima
       

Saturday, December 18, 2010

A Walk Down The Memory Lane !

 This was the most difficult poem for me to pen down...I was so lost in the feelings yet I was not getting words to express them, I really don't know how it has come out...so please give your honest reviews...hope you like it ! Thanks a lot :)

A Walk Down The Memory Lane


The enchanting darkness settles down,
And the moonlight shimmers in the narrow lane,
As the world around me transforms,
Awakening me to the warmth of my being.

The melancholy slowly fades down,
And the insanity too flees away,
The satin soft snow falls from the heaven above,
Engulfing me in its soulless life and ways!

Days roll and months pass by,
And the songs of the songster,
Kindle a fervent of hope and joy;
As I drench myself in the rains of July.

The chirping birds and the blooming flowers,
Call out to me and shed some light,
The unshed tears and unspoken words,
Are now seen in sight.

At the wake of dawn,
The drops of dew too spill,
And earth too exudes the innate beauty of spring,
As I reconcile the existence of love in my being. 

-Fatima