 |
rough worn and battered
travelling from town to town
now lost in archive
Photo Credits: Oil Painting - A Pair of Shoes by Vincent Van Gogh, 1886.
-Fatima
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Voyages to the Other Dimensions
Disclaimer:
This short story was written for IBL (Indian Bloggers League), organised by Write-Up Cafe. I represent Westerlies- Winds of Change, which is the West Zone side. This short story was selected as the best short story of West Zone and hence has been submitted for the final round.
I don’t know what really woke me up. Was it the eerie silence that reverberated or the soft chirping of the night birds in the distant woods? It is at times like these that I wonder about my decision to withdraw from the urban life and retreat back to the realm of nature.
The night was bleak and the woods, cold and dark as they always were. Dead silence and endless darkness lingered with not a slight glimpse of light. It’s wearing when one hardly gets any sleep with all the long walks wandering through the woods for survival. Letting out a ragged moan I sank further into the soft wool blankets slipping into yet another fitful sleep.
When I awoke for the second time the cold gray light of dawn was peeking through the clouds welcoming a bright new day. Running a hand through my ruffled hair I fumbled with the blankets stretching up and scanning the nearby area, blankets of dead leaves covered the surface as frigid wind blew. There was slight dampness on the ground and I realized it must have snowed when I was asleep; after all it was early November the near of winter. My thirst overruled my musings and I took a sip of water from the plastic bottle, gazing outwards the blanched forest.
It was half past dawn, the light enough for me to sort out with my primal chores and later fix up a decent breakfast with all that I had; a cup of black tea with some biscuits as usual. Sipping the tea my mind habitually started straying to the journal I had planned on updating. My fingers automatically curled around the journal lying a few feet away.
Feeling the contours of the old leather bound journal, I ran my fingers idly through the pages taking in the snippets I had written not so long ago. Writing was not a ritual but more of a way of preserving the memoirs of every place and emotion that touched me. I’m a wanderer and exploring the unknown is something that fuels my soul. It’s been nearly two years I left sailing to pursue the other adventurous side of me, exploring different countries intimately, meeting different people and acquainting to their diverse culture. Life is like a blank notebook waiting to be filled up, with not just memories and journeys but also with what we’ve learnt from these journeys. Sometimes they make us nostalgic with happiness, other times with anguish.
I’m not much of a patriotic person but I’m not a misanthropic either. I’m loyal to everyone but of late I’ve realized that the world is harsher than one can imagine. It is full of people who are cold and bigoted. It hardly matters who you are or where you belong. All that matters is power; power as a means to acquire dominance in economics and politics, religious demands or making their voice heard. Terrorizing and causing fear in the minds of people who do not share the same set of belief.
It was one such excursion three months ago where I witnessed a lone local gunman killing locals in the name of anarchism. One of my closest mate died in that attack. It scarred me and made me question everything I ever learnt and saw. Actions define us but what about the actions that defame the very foundation of brotherhood and equality. It was a small attack, far smaller than what the world has witnessed but it made my soul recoil and all I wished at that very moment was to disappear to some place safe to clear my mind of such unpleasant thoughts. It’s difficult cutting yourself from the world but I needed something to reassure me. I’m not much of an emotional person and I cannot be diabolical by stating everyone to be the same but at the moment I didn’t expect people to understand me nor did I wish for them to empathize with me. And for that very reason I took to nature, a place where there are no people waiting with armour to attack me or slit my soul for being an outsider in their world. In a place where though I would be alone yet won’t be an intruder.
My tea has long gone cold and my fingers held the journal loosely when a wisp of cool air blew making me shiver. The road ahead is empty stretching out miles with no sign of life apart from the occasional twittering of birds, dried flowers along the path and innumerable trees. The loneliness slowly creeps to me but there is nothing to distract me from my thoughts and I decide it’s time to move on.
Three days of continuous walking through the woods and crossing a frozen river I reached the hills of snow covered mountains. Absorbing the silence that enveloped me I let out a tired sigh sitting beside a huge rock watching the white layered mountains beneath the gray sky. It was very cold and it was then that I noticed her, wrapped in a blanket sitting in a corner of a rock. Contemplating if approaching a stranger was a good idea or not, I chose the former and made myself known.
We sat together huddled beside the rock where I had rested. It was her, who broke the silence talking about why she was hiking in a place where hardly people ever ventured and how she never anticipated she would meet someone on this unusual trek. I sat there motionless listening to her enthusiastic chatter endlessly and observing the play of emotions that were reflected so deeply by the fire light that warmed us.
I can’t pinpoint the exact moment when I started participating in the talk nor do I remember the reason of spilling out my deepest fears to her.
“We all have episodes in our lives that we wish to forget and it is this one time I wish to turn back. It’s almost like I don’t wish to go back to embracing my life like it was earlier. Nor can I believe that one simple act of terror has me so immobilised that I have retreated from the mortal world. Or is it the fact that my friend succumbed to such an act of terror that has affected me I know not. It is almost like my faith that people are not prejudiced has absolved” I spoke in an almost hushed and puzzled tone.
She was quiet for a while almost like waiting for the true impact of the words to seep in. She replied after long her tone kind, “I don’t think I’ve ever been in that place. Besides, one should view things from a different perspective. Apart from the healers who treat you contrary to the people who’ve harmed you. There are plenty of people still there who care, are there not?” she looked at me curiously before continuing, “We all seek companionship. It almost feels like one cannot exist without it. Everyone has their shares of trauma but that doesn’t mean that you run away. Agreed there are moments that may remind you of them but you’ve got to be strong and face them.”
I pondered for a while staring at the dark wide starless sky before letting my thoughts known. “Have you ever wondered that sometimes all one can do is continue living like nothing happened reassuring oneself that things might change. Or the other alternative could be retreating back, musing what happened and trying to let go of the dread before heading forward.”
She sighed. Looking at me she spoke, “I know where you are coming from. But there are times when we can’t stop things from happening, no matter how ghastly they are. Change is inevitable. Things happen in our life over which we have no control but to maintain our sanity we have to let go of them and move ahead. We can’t turn time back and reverse the loss but we can move forward and help others who need nursing and care. It is one thing to withdraw from everyone for a while but another to lose oneself in self pity and misery forever.”
Silence was our only companion for a long time. She didn’t know why but she spoke one last time before retiring for the night, “I’m a healer and I will always nurse people back to their health and fulfil my destiny. Now it is up to you whether you wish to linger in the depths of nature protecting yourself subconsciously or retreating back to the normal world and bring about a change no matter how small.”
Extinguishing the fire enshrouded in the thick veil of darkness, I finally let go of the burden on my heart embracing change.
This short story was written for IBL (Indian Bloggers League), organised by Write-Up Cafe. I represent Westerlies- Winds of Change, which is the West Zone side. This short story was selected as the best short story of West Zone and hence has been submitted for the final round.
Voyages to the Other Dimensions
I don’t know what really woke me up. Was it the eerie silence that reverberated or the soft chirping of the night birds in the distant woods? It is at times like these that I wonder about my decision to withdraw from the urban life and retreat back to the realm of nature.
The night was bleak and the woods, cold and dark as they always were. Dead silence and endless darkness lingered with not a slight glimpse of light. It’s wearing when one hardly gets any sleep with all the long walks wandering through the woods for survival. Letting out a ragged moan I sank further into the soft wool blankets slipping into yet another fitful sleep.
When I awoke for the second time the cold gray light of dawn was peeking through the clouds welcoming a bright new day. Running a hand through my ruffled hair I fumbled with the blankets stretching up and scanning the nearby area, blankets of dead leaves covered the surface as frigid wind blew. There was slight dampness on the ground and I realized it must have snowed when I was asleep; after all it was early November the near of winter. My thirst overruled my musings and I took a sip of water from the plastic bottle, gazing outwards the blanched forest.
It was half past dawn, the light enough for me to sort out with my primal chores and later fix up a decent breakfast with all that I had; a cup of black tea with some biscuits as usual. Sipping the tea my mind habitually started straying to the journal I had planned on updating. My fingers automatically curled around the journal lying a few feet away.
Feeling the contours of the old leather bound journal, I ran my fingers idly through the pages taking in the snippets I had written not so long ago. Writing was not a ritual but more of a way of preserving the memoirs of every place and emotion that touched me. I’m a wanderer and exploring the unknown is something that fuels my soul. It’s been nearly two years I left sailing to pursue the other adventurous side of me, exploring different countries intimately, meeting different people and acquainting to their diverse culture. Life is like a blank notebook waiting to be filled up, with not just memories and journeys but also with what we’ve learnt from these journeys. Sometimes they make us nostalgic with happiness, other times with anguish.
I’m not much of a patriotic person but I’m not a misanthropic either. I’m loyal to everyone but of late I’ve realized that the world is harsher than one can imagine. It is full of people who are cold and bigoted. It hardly matters who you are or where you belong. All that matters is power; power as a means to acquire dominance in economics and politics, religious demands or making their voice heard. Terrorizing and causing fear in the minds of people who do not share the same set of belief.
It was one such excursion three months ago where I witnessed a lone local gunman killing locals in the name of anarchism. One of my closest mate died in that attack. It scarred me and made me question everything I ever learnt and saw. Actions define us but what about the actions that defame the very foundation of brotherhood and equality. It was a small attack, far smaller than what the world has witnessed but it made my soul recoil and all I wished at that very moment was to disappear to some place safe to clear my mind of such unpleasant thoughts. It’s difficult cutting yourself from the world but I needed something to reassure me. I’m not much of an emotional person and I cannot be diabolical by stating everyone to be the same but at the moment I didn’t expect people to understand me nor did I wish for them to empathize with me. And for that very reason I took to nature, a place where there are no people waiting with armour to attack me or slit my soul for being an outsider in their world. In a place where though I would be alone yet won’t be an intruder.
My tea has long gone cold and my fingers held the journal loosely when a wisp of cool air blew making me shiver. The road ahead is empty stretching out miles with no sign of life apart from the occasional twittering of birds, dried flowers along the path and innumerable trees. The loneliness slowly creeps to me but there is nothing to distract me from my thoughts and I decide it’s time to move on.
An hour later I’m on the road with my backpack. Watching the road ahead and glancing at the passing woods, I make my way to where the path may now lead me.
Three days of continuous walking through the woods and crossing a frozen river I reached the hills of snow covered mountains. Absorbing the silence that enveloped me I let out a tired sigh sitting beside a huge rock watching the white layered mountains beneath the gray sky. It was very cold and it was then that I noticed her, wrapped in a blanket sitting in a corner of a rock. Contemplating if approaching a stranger was a good idea or not, I chose the former and made myself known.
We sat together huddled beside the rock where I had rested. It was her, who broke the silence talking about why she was hiking in a place where hardly people ever ventured and how she never anticipated she would meet someone on this unusual trek. I sat there motionless listening to her enthusiastic chatter endlessly and observing the play of emotions that were reflected so deeply by the fire light that warmed us.
I can’t pinpoint the exact moment when I started participating in the talk nor do I remember the reason of spilling out my deepest fears to her.
“We all have episodes in our lives that we wish to forget and it is this one time I wish to turn back. It’s almost like I don’t wish to go back to embracing my life like it was earlier. Nor can I believe that one simple act of terror has me so immobilised that I have retreated from the mortal world. Or is it the fact that my friend succumbed to such an act of terror that has affected me I know not. It is almost like my faith that people are not prejudiced has absolved” I spoke in an almost hushed and puzzled tone.
She was quiet for a while almost like waiting for the true impact of the words to seep in. She replied after long her tone kind, “I don’t think I’ve ever been in that place. Besides, one should view things from a different perspective. Apart from the healers who treat you contrary to the people who’ve harmed you. There are plenty of people still there who care, are there not?” she looked at me curiously before continuing, “We all seek companionship. It almost feels like one cannot exist without it. Everyone has their shares of trauma but that doesn’t mean that you run away. Agreed there are moments that may remind you of them but you’ve got to be strong and face them.”
I pondered for a while staring at the dark wide starless sky before letting my thoughts known. “Have you ever wondered that sometimes all one can do is continue living like nothing happened reassuring oneself that things might change. Or the other alternative could be retreating back, musing what happened and trying to let go of the dread before heading forward.”
She sighed. Looking at me she spoke, “I know where you are coming from. But there are times when we can’t stop things from happening, no matter how ghastly they are. Change is inevitable. Things happen in our life over which we have no control but to maintain our sanity we have to let go of them and move ahead. We can’t turn time back and reverse the loss but we can move forward and help others who need nursing and care. It is one thing to withdraw from everyone for a while but another to lose oneself in self pity and misery forever.”
Silence was our only companion for a long time. She didn’t know why but she spoke one last time before retiring for the night, “I’m a healer and I will always nurse people back to their health and fulfil my destiny. Now it is up to you whether you wish to linger in the depths of nature protecting yourself subconsciously or retreating back to the normal world and bring about a change no matter how small.”
Extinguishing the fire enshrouded in the thick veil of darkness, I finally let go of the burden on my heart embracing change.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Ebb and Flow
Millions of emotions stir,
Some in my mind,
Some in my heart…
Some die and some live...
But once again,
The sun goes down across the sea,
Waking and weaving thousand dreams in my being!
-Fatima
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Sleepless Dreams
Like
fallen petals of a dried red rose,
Hugging
herself she bellows,
Reviving
his aura and holding his essence,
She
reminisces the times of his presence.
-Fatima
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Walk Beyond Oblivion....
Walk Beyond Oblivion....
There are moments when somethings on my mind but I just
can't rhyme,
So forgive me these few brief awkward lines,
You're the only one now left,
So forgive me these few brief awkward lines,
You're the only one now left,
Who I don't really wanna lose,
Though I know I can be too childish at times,
Or my words too sarcastic to digest for you...
But I ain't the one with attitude who can't change,
It's just I'm needy and too hurt that I can't bear,
And all I want from you is just a bit of love and
care...
Gifts and pleasures I don't long,
As your friendship has been my greatest treasure all
along.
-Fatima
P.S: Dedicated to my Soul Searched Friend.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Random Musings #1
Random Musings #1
Well this is not some series or anything of a particular genre, this one will just contain things that are mere abstractions it could be just dissecting particular emotions or life in general. Another important thing is this is not about me the reason I mentioned this is, since I usually have a soft corner for melancholic writings people feel I'm sad and temme to cheer up that's not done :-/ so I thought of informing prior :D
This particular post is inspired by this pic and written in first person...Hope you enjoy reading! Do give your valuable feedback :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Until
Forever’s Gone…
It was
nearing midnight and my mood was surprisingly languid, it was that particular
moment when I didn’t feel like thinking or following the practicalities of life
and society but to let my mind and heart reel freely. I sat there perching
besides the window seating idly murmuring songs that seemed like some
incoherent mumbling but it hardly mattered as I had none to please and just
soothe myself.
It was in moments like these when I wondered how
it would feel to revel in you and bask in your love, to love and to be loved
back by you! But tonight astonishingly a certain unknown fear gripped me
amplifying my pulse rate turning my beat and breath erratic, it was then that I
realized that I was too sensitive and terribly lonely; I somehow didn’t realize
when the phase from being social turned solitary but it sure was a gradual
process. In a flash love seemed a farfetched thing and all that I needed now
was a friend, a person who befriended me despite my flaws, my uncanny nature
and my fickle mood swings because even I was no ideal perfect person. Letting
out a sigh I crawl back to my bed and wait for weariness to take over and lull
me to sleep taking me to the world of dreams where life though is not full of
glee but someone somewhere is there with me.
In moments of despair,
It’s not always love that you need,
It’s just a true and caring friend that will suffice.
-Fatima
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Post #8
Post #8
It
was a cold rainy night with the rustling of leaves and sweet murmurs of the
nearby stream, sitting beside each other they tried to put an end to the
intense longing that quelled their heart and soul but words faltered and
sentences broke even before escaping the confines of their heart. It seemed
like an eternity had elapsed as none spoke and silence lingered with a melody
of its own. Turning towards her with a gleam in his eyes entwining her fingers
with his own he took her lips in his for a searing kiss as ecstasy filled the
air and all faded in the desolate hour of night.
P.S:
With this I come to an end of this series...But as they say, "Every end is a new beginning !"
I hope you guys liked it and could connect to it... :)
-Fatima
Saturday, July 2, 2011
- Koi Apna Sa -
- Koi Apna Sa -
Suni suni sadko pe,
Koi toh musafir hota...
Kaali andheri raaton mein,
Koi toh tanhayoon ka saathi hota...
Shaant aur surili raaton mein,
Jagmagate sitaron k jaisa...
Kaale badalon k sang,
Koi toh chand jaisa saathi hota...
Rhim jhim savan mein,
Saat rangon jaise muskurata...
Reait mein paani jaise,
Koi toh aansuon ka saathi hota...
Yeh dil kuch na chahe,
Paharoon jaise akeli raina mein...
Bus chund saanson jaisa apna,
Koi toh saacha saathi hota...
-Fatima
P.S: My first ever hindi poem and the theme is friendship not love!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Forever Abide
It's been such a long time..that I posted something but now finally I'm done with my exams and finally free :)
Missed you guys and even your blogs...will catch up with all your stuff in sometime...have loads to read...:)
So without much ado here is the poem...hope you like it!
Forever Abide
Woke up to a bright and sunny day,
Yet somewhere wished it would pour today!
As sometimes too much of warmth also burns...
And you realize people do feign, cheat and fray.
Leaving you broken and shattered,
Amidst the crowd you walk alone!
Trying to let go the memories you made...
Though you hope for things to revert back to same.
You fall and you stumble,
And you're stuck up in a muddle!
As there is a lot that the mirror does not show...
Yet you give a try and believe, only to be deceived.
Reality does bite as some say,
So its better to quietly walk away!
With a pinch of hope and tear in eye...
You build back yourself with all your might.
Repressing the surging sullenness,
With all the happiness you've gathered along!
Spring now welcomes you back from gloom...
But, somewhere the longing of a true friend forever looms.
Fatima
Friday, March 25, 2011
Do Good Feel Good !
Do Good Feel Good !
Care for others selflessly without any expectations.....
The world still needs altruistic and humble people,
who are happy when others are happy
coz....
coz....
Love is Life and Life is to bring joy and happiness in
other people's world and their heart !
Who knows someone might be waiting for them
and only you can deliver it to them...
No one knows except the Almighty :)
-Fatima
-Fatima
P.S: Always smile it bridges the gap between people... Take Care :)
Friday, March 18, 2011
Lonesome Seasons….
Lonesome Seasons...
March, April and May;
Hoping the sunshine will brighten the day.
Sunrays disperse themselves in the sky,
Unclogging the gloom obscuring the view,
Still contented, she smiles and sways…
As the sun blazes in the noon’s of May!
June, July and August;
Wishing the showers will wash the pain away.
The rainbow peeks through the sky,
Giving her hope, he will soon come home…
Longing and praying for his arrival,
Every year June just passes by!
September, October and November;
Reminiscing the memories buried deep within the heart.
Faded and crumpled, she lies
Just like the leaves beneath the sky…
Enamored and enchanted by his aura,
The November mist slowly glides!
December, January and February;
Waiting for love to gently course its way.
Basking in the subtle sun,
And enclosing the surging emotions,
She tries to elude bouts of melancholy…
In the cold and dark December nights!
Yet not living in an illusion,
Nor waiting for life to turn into a fairy tale…
She smiles with her heart and says,
I still love and live life, come what may!
-Fatima
P.S: The condition of people waiting for their loved ones back home when they are away for months or years at a stretch....
Sunday, March 6, 2011
MEMORIES !
This is one of the earliest poems ever written by me....actually written for a friend wanted to cheer her up for some reasons she was down ! Realized today that I never posted it on the blog...
better late than never :)
So here it goes.....hope you guys like it !
MEMORIES !
Whenever you look outside the window,
You see things have changed
And people have moved on,
And you feel you have nothing left
Ah! no you have,a bundle of memories!
Memories are the only door to the future & windows to the past,
They reflect you today
But don't conceal your past,
Don't be depressed over what happened yesterday,
But, vow today not to let it happen tomorrow;
For life is only once lived
But the nostalgia lives forever!
You see things have changed
And people have moved on,
And you feel you have nothing left
Ah! no you have,a bundle of memories!
Memories are the only door to the future & windows to the past,
They reflect you today
But don't conceal your past,
Don't be depressed over what happened yesterday,
But, vow today not to let it happen tomorrow;
For life is only once lived
But the nostalgia lives forever!
-Fatima
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Dream Of You !
Dream Of You !
Sounds of the bittersweet melody,
Sounds of the bittersweet melody,
Resonates deep within my soul...
As I lay there hoping for warmth after the coldness has gone.
I know it ain't the case and I shouldn't expect,
As I lay there hoping for warmth after the coldness has gone.
I know it ain't the case and I shouldn't expect,
As I know I've blown all the chances that've come my way,
Yet there is a forlorn hope, that you truly didn't walk away....
You gave me hope, you gave me joy...
You were my light at the end of the night,
Time passed by and days too rolled
Yet there is a question that still looms...
Why did you teach me to walk again?
When you were to leave me crumpled all alone on my own....
It's not that I did not try,
A little more time is all that I needed
Or maybe just a bit of love would have done...
I was just too scared to confess and too insecure to lose,
Lost and confused is what I was back then,
Yet it was me who had to choose.
I dunno why I still love you?
When all I should do is try to forget you....
I'm not stalking nor am I insane,
But I just can't seem to let go...
Wearing a smile on my face and a frown in my heart...
I lead my life in thy memoirs....
-Fatima
Thursday, February 3, 2011
A Pinch of Hope !
A Pinch of Hope !
Before sunlight can shine,
An enchanting darkness smiles !
Lilies bloom and leaves rustle,
And a never ending gloom settles.
The moon is aglow and a starry night engulfs,
Leaving behind trails of lone memories to revive.
Time flees as birds fly,
Turning dusk to dawn and kindles hope.
Retracing the path that I walked on,
I gleam and shimmer like a new born.
-Fatima
An enchanting darkness smiles !
Lilies bloom and leaves rustle,
And a never ending gloom settles.
The moon is aglow and a starry night engulfs,
Leaving behind trails of lone memories to revive.
Time flees as birds fly,
Turning dusk to dawn and kindles hope.
Retracing the path that I walked on,
I gleam and shimmer like a new born.
-Fatima
P.S: This poem was written on a prompt..."Before the sunlight can shine." on Dec 21st!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
A Walk Down The Memory Lane !
This was the most difficult poem for me to pen down...I was so lost in the feelings yet I was not getting words to express them, I really don't know how it has come out...so please give your honest reviews...hope you like it ! Thanks a lot :)
A Walk Down The Memory Lane
The enchanting darkness settles down,
And the moonlight shimmers in the narrow lane,
As the world around me transforms,
Awakening me to the warmth of my being.
The melancholy slowly fades down,
And the insanity too flees away,
The satin soft snow falls from the heaven above,
Engulfing me in its soulless life and ways!
Days roll and months pass by,
And the songs of the songster,
Kindle a fervent of hope and joy;
As I drench myself in the rains of July.
The chirping birds and the blooming flowers,
Call out to me and shed some light,
The unshed tears and unspoken words,
Are now seen in sight.
At the wake of dawn,
The drops of dew too spill,
And earth too exudes the innate beauty of spring,
As I reconcile the existence of love in my being.
-Fatima
Monday, December 6, 2010
POST #3
I dunno if this post is interesting or not but it is very necessary as this is an attempt to describe his persona.....Continued from here Post #2
Hope you accept it !!! Will wait for your comments as always :) POST #3
Oh! How so I wish to embrace you in my arms,
Rest my head on your shoulder and forget all the norms;
Rest my head on your shoulder and forget all the norms;
And let out all the tears I've suppressed for so long.
The day has ended and the moon is up, the sky is pitch black and the stars adorn and lit it beautifully adding to the unending expanse of the ethereal beauty and the darkness that engulfs. I'm sitting by the window seating unlike other days when I'm on my study table buried into my books; nocturnal is what she calls me as I too bask in the moonlight like her and find solace in the never ending night, we are strangely similar yet dissimilar.
I being a studious and realistic guy to the core whose only passion is studying and scoring good grades and looking at life through the lens wherein she is an epitome of an idealist and saw herself as a free bird when the reality was stark opposite.
The November night was silent yet there is a nerve soothing melody in it that relaxes me and urges me to open the blind folds of my heart and peel a layer off myself. I being a loner most of the time prefer to dwell in solitude as it gives me a sense of tranquility, well my fellow class mates have a very different picture of me 'lonely' is what they feel I am; they have misinterpreted but I don't feel the need to correct them; my mother is the only one who truly knows me. Life at most times has not been easy it's still not as even the basic needs are hard to avail and there are days when basic necessities are lacking as mom is the only working member of the family. Not all know this fact but my dad is bed ridden due to paralysis, I don't like to let this out openly as then people pity us; hospital expenses, medicines and even my studies leave her in a lurch yet she doesn't utter a single word and continues slogging hard for us, somewhere down the line I know this is the very reason I've lost my innocence and embraced maturity, as I've to toil my way through the hardships and you have no one to open up too and comfort you. But life changes and so do people in your life; there was a time when only my mom knew my emotional state and now she too is there, the one who has carved a special place in my heart and is there with me to comfort me and to talk to about life and it's unruly ways, when responsibilities fall on your young shoulders and at times you feel like breaking down and escaping the clutches of this crippled life that has rendered you helpless, at one point of time I did feel so.
I stare into the black sky and look to the lord above as I'm tired of questioning destiny and God too; feel like I've reached the saturation point from where I can't help my mom nor reduce her woes and ease her financially nor can I emotionally complete my dad. I've stopped asking Why me? nor do I say Try me! as life has tried me more than once; a near to death accident of my younger brother right in front of my eyes, dad suffering from heart stroke and being paralyzed, financial crises so much so that I even contemplated giving up my studies to support my family; had it not been mom's strong resistance and will power I would have crumpled to life's unruly demands long back yet I recoiled in my shell and became a loner and a melancholic soul. It was then that she walked in my life and awakened the long lost emotions which were seemingly dead, though it was just the arrogance and rudeness that took birth first as she tried to intrude into my personal space but slowly with the passage of time it turned into a beautiful friendship and now I call her 'my soul searched' friend. It now feels that my hope is no longer forlorn and it has re-awakened and goodwill is all around, mirth is taking birth in my gloomy home and life once again as mom too has started smiling and dad too is active though still bed ridden. Slowly things are seeming to change and sorrow is fading and joy is replacing and it's all due to her presence; she is truly 'Light in the Darkness.'
Life take me the way you want,
And lead me to a place where no one has ever been,
Hills and Plains I'm ready to cross,
With you by my side, I can forever trod.
And lead me to a place where no one has ever been,
Hills and Plains I'm ready to cross,
With you by my side, I can forever trod.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hope you liked it, honest reviews are most welcome :)
Friday, November 12, 2010
Chronicles of an Escapist! #1
I've been acting a bit weird lately, just my other self you see. Whenever something happens I try to analyze it and delve deeper into it, something not new but what is new is I try to draw conclusions; at times I'm unable to and I'm left in a lurch other times I do reach to some answers.
Guess I'm home now-a-days due to the upcoming exams and all I do is just study and that's when boredom hits me. I'm not the one who can sit for hours doing the same thing be it studies or some other chore, I'm always on the run in the quest to do one thing after the other.
In childhood it was labeled as multitasking and extraordinary whilst now its mere restlessness and lack of concentration ! I'm amused at how fast perceptions change.
Guess I'm home now-a-days due to the upcoming exams and all I do is just study and that's when boredom hits me. I'm not the one who can sit for hours doing the same thing be it studies or some other chore, I'm always on the run in the quest to do one thing after the other.
In childhood it was labeled as multitasking and extraordinary whilst now its mere restlessness and lack of concentration ! I'm amused at how fast perceptions change.
I wish to add more things under it, lets see what happens ! It could be anything; a vignette, a one shot, a random conversation or a free random verse...simply anything that comes to my mind.
Hope you enjoy it and do lemme know !
____________________________________________________________
POST #1
The view was pristine and idyllic, they were
sitting by the edge of the porch silently watching the sudden downpour. The sky
was grayish and it was getting dark with each passing second. The wind was
blowing harshly and leaves were scattered all around; the roses in the garden
were withered and only small shrubs and violets that were close to the ground
were safe from natures wrath. The calmness that prevailed was now lost and
diffused into nothingness and it seemed as if the tempest would take over. The
aura of innocence was overshadowed by that of vile and things no longer seemed
to be austere.
The clouds roared again and she quivered and let out a shriek, trying to process the thoughts and indications but she again failed to draw conclusions. It was something she loved right from the childhood, talking to nature, questioning it and trying to understand and unravel it as she felt it hid some very basic answers of her very existence; with the passage of time and responsibilities this interaction had reduced but never diminished.
He sat beside her unlike her, he was calm and collected as he tried to gauge her state of mind; her face was an array of so many emotions and feelings yet they were quite obscure for him to make out the true meaning of them. Dead silence lingered for a while, the downpour had relented and only slight sound could be heard, it had been some 30 minutes that nature was retracing back to its calm and serene self; the wind was now softer and cold compared to what it had been. He spoke out of the blue, Do you not think calmness always quells chaos? Though it seems all prosaic yet it gives birth to a hope unknown that fills the heart with mirth, curbs enmity and raises amity. There was a sudden lull in the conversation and it seemed insipid yet he did not know how to formulate his thoughts into words and let her know. She didn't revert back for quite a time, she was eyeing the sky that was now a darker shade of black and it remained intact; she was not much into thinking at the moment and was basking in the aftermath of calmness and rains.
She spoke after long, It would be improper to say only calmness quells chaos; it could be the other way round too, can't it? As order comes after chaos and solitude is all what is needed to clear the mess and to tread ahead. It doesn't give birth to hope as hope is always there, it is just the revival and rebirth of it. Chaos at times is good as you walk the untrodden road, see the gory reality and at times multiple faces of the same individual; it is good to know so much is hidden and you fail to notice it in the first glance yet you still in believe in fairies and hope is alive. It is this hope which may seem as small as a pea but it shakes mountains and flips the world upside down; It is just an allusion and it entices you and then you forgo and move ahead. It is all a part of the illusory world, a condition of mind, you see only that which you wish too and life is just a part of it. She felt it was quaint yet unsure if she could continue; she stopped midway to glance into his eyes, there was a gleaming smile in them and it reflected back in hers.
And then all faded and diffused into the oblivion as they reverted back home.
The clouds roared again and she quivered and let out a shriek, trying to process the thoughts and indications but she again failed to draw conclusions. It was something she loved right from the childhood, talking to nature, questioning it and trying to understand and unravel it as she felt it hid some very basic answers of her very existence; with the passage of time and responsibilities this interaction had reduced but never diminished.
He sat beside her unlike her, he was calm and collected as he tried to gauge her state of mind; her face was an array of so many emotions and feelings yet they were quite obscure for him to make out the true meaning of them. Dead silence lingered for a while, the downpour had relented and only slight sound could be heard, it had been some 30 minutes that nature was retracing back to its calm and serene self; the wind was now softer and cold compared to what it had been. He spoke out of the blue, Do you not think calmness always quells chaos? Though it seems all prosaic yet it gives birth to a hope unknown that fills the heart with mirth, curbs enmity and raises amity. There was a sudden lull in the conversation and it seemed insipid yet he did not know how to formulate his thoughts into words and let her know. She didn't revert back for quite a time, she was eyeing the sky that was now a darker shade of black and it remained intact; she was not much into thinking at the moment and was basking in the aftermath of calmness and rains.
She spoke after long, It would be improper to say only calmness quells chaos; it could be the other way round too, can't it? As order comes after chaos and solitude is all what is needed to clear the mess and to tread ahead. It doesn't give birth to hope as hope is always there, it is just the revival and rebirth of it. Chaos at times is good as you walk the untrodden road, see the gory reality and at times multiple faces of the same individual; it is good to know so much is hidden and you fail to notice it in the first glance yet you still in believe in fairies and hope is alive. It is this hope which may seem as small as a pea but it shakes mountains and flips the world upside down; It is just an allusion and it entices you and then you forgo and move ahead. It is all a part of the illusory world, a condition of mind, you see only that which you wish too and life is just a part of it. She felt it was quaint yet unsure if she could continue; she stopped midway to glance into his eyes, there was a gleaming smile in them and it reflected back in hers.
And then all faded and diffused into the oblivion as they reverted back home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-Fatima
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Confessions Of My Heart (Part 2)
Here I come up with my second part finally !
(Part 2)
"I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul."
Time passes by and only memories remain. Memories are like story books and when we have quiet moments or moments of introspection and reflection that we allow them to catch up with us. I too, do the same but this is confined to only a particular set of memories; as only they have the power to stir my soul and make me feel vulnerable, yet I cannot do anything to relieve them. It's not that I've not tried, but the more I try the difficult it becomes for me to let go or maybe I do not want to let go, as they are the very basis of my existence; and I cannot even in the wildest of my dreams block them away, though in reality I try to avoid and block her as much as I can, by not only hurting her but my own self.
Four years ! A pretty long time to not talk to someone close. It really requires courage to maintain a calm demeanor and a tough exterior when your a mess inside; searching for answers, when you know that a certain someone holds them, that only they have the key to unlock your heart and free you from the shackles that bind you but yet you avoid them. It's been quite a time since I mused over this and the smile that tugged my lips faded into the oblivion.
The sun was still tugged in it's niche. It was an early Sunday morning, the wind was chilly and the weather cold. The dew was still intact on the leaves as I headed towards the beach. The shore was calm unlike my insides where things were not at all tranquil. The water gleamed and the gentle waves were bobbing up and down; being weekend there was not a single soul in sight probably people are busy catching sleep after a hectic week but I couldn't even do that and be in peace. At that moment all I wanted to do was make my way back into the woods where these thoughts would be far away from my mind so that I could contemplate my actions and justify my reasons as, Solitude is not always the solution to all your problems but at times it helps you escaping them ! But my feet refused to budge and finally I gave in and settled on the sand, eyeing the sea. The soft and gentle wind blew transporting me back and I was forced to open the closed doors of my heart.
Life at most times had not been easy, but I had to toil and pave my way through the hardships, stay away from my loved ones to achieve things and make a place for myself in this world where losing is easy but gaining far more difficult. There have been days when sleep was far away as I had to complete my tasks; I had to do so, I couldn't run away from my responsibilities, no matter how much I wanted to take a break and breath freely.
It was not love at first sight for me, in-fact I didn't realize my love for her until a long time as I never really believed in love; come to think of it I'm still clueless as to when did she make a place in my heart? I remember vividly, how she never really talked to me and only gave me a shy smile and stammer while talking to me despite being a boisterous and a talkative girl, famous for her ignorance on small things and her sly smile. Some people mistook her ignorance as her naivety but somehow I couldn't as I found her to be a bit shrewd and audacious with a pinch of innocence. I was friends with her but the more I got to know her, the more I tried not going near her as I feared loosing myself in her. I being one of the most sought after guys, a heartthrob; I never really did pay attention to girls in that sense; but I was drawn to her slowly and steadily. She was a simple girl with a simple lifestyle yet she seemed to capture my heart and soul. But all was good in my world until after one year when she contacted me again, and since then life has been a roller coaster ride for me.
As now I saw a different girl in front of me, who had build up courage and would now talk casually to me like all my other friends. But then call it destiny or something else that is done deliberately she sneaked under my radar and was slowly getting under my skin. She always used to question me, why do I have a protective wall around me? Why am I a mystery, not that mysteries are not good but she seemed to mean something else like she was hoping to find some answers as in an unsolved riddle. What was even more shocking was that she never left those questions hanging but was in the quest to find those answers; in the hope to know me or rather her own self. It was not she who was vulnerable to me, but I was to her, she never realized perhaps I never did show. I tried hurting her, avoiding her and et al. but she persisted even that. How so badly I wanted to hold her then and speak my heart but then I just couldn't do so. I could not let her know how she affects me nor could I display the real me and my true feelings to her; and as time passed by, after trying for long, she gave in and let me go and I was free.
But the question still lingers; am I truly free? Am I not hers and she mine? Has she really let me go? I choose to not search for these answers and leave it to time and destiny to take the decision, and this time I will accept it; though it means I've to let go and open up to her as my real self, there was no resisting anymore.
" I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply and hating you.
Bend to you, and the measure of my
changing love for you,
Is that I do not see you but
love you blindly."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With this ends my 2nd part...Hope you like it, please give your honest reviews both comments and criticism.
Link to Next Part: Interlude 1
-Fatima
Link to Next Part: Interlude 1
-Fatima
Saturday, October 30, 2010
CONFESSIONS OF MY HEART ! (Short Story)
Disclaimer:
This story is a work of fiction. It has no resemblance to any real character, though some part of it here and there is taken from reality but rest is pure imagination. The story comprises of 3 parts which is monologue kind of, I know my stories are usually that kind only but I'm more comfortable that way as I'm able to get into the character more easily. Also the small verses and quotations used throughout the story are works of Pablo Neruda I take no credit to it, I wanted to write the verses myself but somehow I just couldn't ! Hope you like this one.
CONFESSIONS OF MY HEART !
(PART 1)
(PART 1)
“ In this part of the story I’m the one who dies,
the only one, and I will die because I love you,
because I love you, love, in fire and in blood.”
It's been four years since we last spoke to each other, let alone see each
other. Our paths hardly crossed and if it did happen then we chose to not
acknowledge the other and move on. From then on life has been unruly and
turned mechanical, everything seems to be in order yet something is amiss.
'Tum'....'Aap'....perhaps to some other girl it won't even matter, but to me they signified gratitude and veneration. He was always there during my thick and thin, it seemed as if I were special. But then life took a turn and the one who was just a phone call away was now miles apart.
Maybe I was not...I...but he was to me. God I couldn't even accept it and move on with that fact, I still feared speaking it out loud. He was special to me...in ways more than a friend. Even if I acknowledge this fact, how will things turn out differently? And will it make a difference to him? Will he accept me or he won't? Will all this confession backfire and ruin our friendship? What if we snap out of this reverie and realize everything was just a dream? Dreams never turn into reality especially if, they are hazy as everything seems to be a part of this illusory world.
I fought with myself, stayed in bed all afternoon...got up, showered and started studying. When that didn't help resorted to sit on the net to clear my mind, tried reading a novel but none helped as I became more ruffled than I was earlier; I tried running far away from my thoughts that were racing in my mind and idiotic ideas addled my mind further. I moved out of the confinement of my home for a walk. It was nearing dusk and the sun had started to set, the sky was in shades of pink hues and blue and the weather was cold due to the rains earlier.
I saw the setting sun and pondered long..."Everything is pre-written and nothing can be rewritten!" This phrase caught my sight and I wondered was this bound to happen? Was this a sign an indication? That everything has been pre planned by God and all I can do is bow down? Perhaps yes; my meeting him, fearing him at the start and then becoming familiar, not being able to gather courage and finally showing up after a year...and a deep close bond taking birth and me growing insanely fond of him, this was not in my grand scheme of plans. Could it be an accident? No, it can't be...since when did I start having such ramblings with my inner soul and start unraveling and questioning my destiny?
I finally let go no resisting anymore, nor could I sense chaos and cacophony I was finally at peace; as there wasn't anything I could do to our past and to our future nor could I avoid this feeling to engulf me. Nothing mattered anymore and I gave in...I was madly, unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him, he stirred my soul like no one can...no one ever could ! I no longer pondered over this fact, if he will ever be mine? Or will he feel the way I do...but yet there was no turning back, I had come a long way and I simply couldn't. I love him and there is no doubt about that; I have no expectations from him, I never had. He doesn't believe in love or marriages the way I do nor does he look at life, like I see it. Our nature is different and way of life too, he being a pragmatic and realistic person to the core wherein I was an epitome of an idealist and a dreamer, though we both were wanderers and we meet, like the sky and the earth meet each other at the horizon. It was the first day of my life to love him and him alone, and its' been four years since the confession.
People might call me a fool and a whimsical girl, but then I don't care about the world anymore nor any random possibilities, as I've adjusted to him. He comes on his own accord and leaves on his own desires. I've not bound him nor do I stalk him like some might feel, he is free. It would be an understatement to say I don't shed tears, I do silently when a memory hits me back, for god-sake I'm a human with a heart and emotions too, but then it hurts me more when I hear people gossiping that I expect a reciprocation wherein I do not, I never did !
It doesn't pain me anymore, this is not insanity nor a mere bookish talk but reality. It doesn't mean I don't live a normal life, I laugh...I cry and also do the daily chores like I've always been doing, this life of mine doesn't inter-wine with my daily routine, it would be best to say I'm living a parallel life. Not everyone will believe it, not that I want them to but then not everyone goes through this to this extent like I have and now I silently wait for his return though it only means a call and nothing more than that.
"So I wait for you like a lonely house,
till you will see me again and live in me.
Till then my windows ache."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With this I'm done with the first part....I'll post the second part when I'm finished with it...Hope you like it, comments and criticism both are welcome. Thank you !
-Fatima
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