POST #2

        Disclaimer: 

                     This again is just a random post based on an incident but more like a series which will have continuity. Hope you like it ! You can go back to this as it is a part of this series too... Post #1

   POST #2

 

              

         It had been an early rise, the colour of monsoon added to the vibrant nature, yet another day of rainfall. The cool breeze swayed deliriously and the trees swirled and animals hid in their niche as the sun was busy relaxing itself behind the layers of clouds! Finally, after an hour or so, the sun slowly crawled out of it's niche and the soft, warm rays penetrated my abode with utmost ease. The birds were now chirping and the fresh flowers bloomed welcoming a new day, a new start. It was a lovely day and I sank deeper into my blanket and snuggled inside it, unlike my younger sister who stood by the window and basked in the early sunlight. I however, didn't seem to find peace in the morning like most people do, I love the night and darkness as it provides me tranquility and comfort that I want, it is far more bright, warm and cozy in comparison to the broad daylight.

         
          I hid myself deep within the blanket until darkness completely engulfed me, sleep had left long ago, though I did feel sluggish. My mind wandered and I pondered slipping into my own world, contemplating and reflecting the past and the memories. Ah! and I realize the past has washed itself with the rains and purified me; but the remnants still remained though very vague. Exams are round the corner yet, I do not study. I'm not avoiding it deliberately but I'm unable to give my heart and soul to it, although I'm no topper not even close to being a topper but an average student, still something didn't seem quite right but what? I still am unable to find the reason for the sudden chaos that has engulfed me and my concentration too is dwindling since a past few days. It is such a freaking thing that you are busy figuring out the crap math sums wherein you can't even figure out the math of your life! Ain't it true? Yes, it is indeed but then it has always been me who searches answers or is in the quest of unraveling things and also the one who has to bear the brunt and scoldings from my dad as all the praises are reserved for my younger sister; the one who is very disciplined and never lies. Well that is one outlook that no matter how much I try to change I'm unable too.

          It is not that I'm jealous of her, in fact I'm very proud of her and she is my biggest support and my strength, who loves me more than any one could possibly do apart from my mother who is no more, though she was not my real mother she loved me more than anything in this world, I don't even know who my real mother was; my dad never spoke of her nor do I intend on finding about her, for this lady alone was my mother and will always be. It does pain and hurt and my heart cries when dad accuses me of every wrong committed and leaves me all alone. They say I've chosen this path myself, is it? I've been used to hear words like, 'chatterbox' ,'whimsical' and an 'emotionless person' not only from dad but from my aunt and some friends too. They encouraged her and she excelled too, but what about me? "Oh! Tamanna, no she is good for nothing and a madcap!". These words ringed loudly in my mind as if they were just said yesterday but then they were uttered long ago. It's true, Time heals all wounds but the memories never leave your side; they are etched in my mind and so I've simply recoiled in my shell and present a facade to this world. Speak what they wish to hear and listen only that should be heard. I guess hardly anyone apart from him knows that I have a flair for writing stories and poems; that I'm an intellectual person too whose true potential is not tapped and that I love silence and also that I'm a trapped soul, trapped in my own past who fears opening up for the fear of losing.

          A sudden wave of emotions hits me and the words rush out, I grab my diary that is kept on the bedside table and pen down,

Would you tell me if you're jaded or waxed ?

Or rather you prefer calling me unique and whimsical ?

Ideas and notions, is that the reason ?

Build a shell around me and started believing in fairies;

Oh! dear child

Wake up, Wake up to the gory reality that hides;

Smiles and frowns are a part of life !

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-Fatima