Saturday, October 30, 2010


        This story is a work of fiction. It has no resemblance to any real character, though some part of it here and there is taken from reality but rest is pure imagination. The story comprises of 3 parts which is monologue kind of, I know my stories are usually that kind only but I'm more comfortable that way as I'm able to get into the character more easily. Also the small verses and quotations used throughout the story are works of Pablo Neruda I take no credit to it, I wanted to write the verses myself but somehow I just couldn't ! Hope you like this one. 

(PART 1)

“ In this part of the story I’m the one who dies,
the only one, and I will die because I love you,
because I love you, love, in fire and in blood.”


  It's been four years since we last spoke to each other, let alone see each other. Our paths hardly crossed and if it did happen then we chose to not acknowledge the  other and move on. From then on life has been unruly and turned mechanical, everything seems to be in order yet something is amiss.
          'Tum'....'Aap'....perhaps to some other girl it won't even matter, but to me they signified gratitude and veneration. He was  always there during my thick and thin, it seemed as if I were special. But then life took a turn and the one who was just a phone call away was now miles apart.
         Maybe I was not...I...but he was to me. God I couldn't even accept it and move on with that fact, I still feared speaking it out loud. He was special to ways more than a friend. Even if I acknowledge this fact, how will things turn out differently? And will it make a difference to him? Will he accept me or he won't? Will all this confession backfire and ruin our friendship? What if we snap out of this reverie and realize everything was just a dream? Dreams never turn into reality especially if, they are hazy as everything seems to be a part of this illusory world.

       I fought with myself, stayed in bed all up, showered and started studying. When that didn't help resorted to sit on the net to clear my mind, tried reading a novel but none helped as I became more ruffled than I was earlier; I tried running far away from my thoughts that were racing in my mind and idiotic ideas addled my mind further. I moved out of the confinement of my home for a walk. It was nearing dusk and the sun had started to set, the sky was in shades of pink hues and blue and the weather was cold due to the rains earlier.

       I saw the setting sun and pondered long..."Everything is pre-written and  nothing can be rewritten!" This phrase caught my sight and I wondered was this bound to happen? Was this a sign an indication? That everything has been pre planned by God and all I can do is bow down? Perhaps yes; my meeting him, fearing him at the start and then becoming familiar, not being able to gather courage and finally showing up after a year...and a deep close bond taking birth and me growing insanely fond of him, this was not in my grand scheme of plans. Could it be an accident? No, it can't be...since when did I start having such ramblings with my inner soul and start unraveling and  questioning my destiny? 
           I finally let go no resisting anymore, nor could I sense chaos and cacophony I was finally at peace; as there wasn't anything I could do to our past  and to our future nor could I avoid this feeling to engulf me. Nothing mattered anymore and I gave in...I was madly, unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him, he stirred my soul like no one one ever could ! I no longer pondered over this fact, if he will ever be mine? Or will he feel the way I do...but yet there was no turning back, I had come a long way and I simply couldn't. I love him and there is no doubt about that; I have no expectations from him, I never had. He doesn't believe in love or marriages the way I do nor does he look at life, like I see it. Our nature is different and way of life too, he being a pragmatic and realistic person to the core wherein I was an epitome of an idealist and a dreamer, though we both were wanderers and we meet, like the sky and the earth meet each other at the horizon. It was the first day of my life to love him and him alone, and its' been four years since the confession.

          People might call me a fool and a whimsical girl, but then I don't care about the world anymore nor any random possibilities, as I've adjusted to him. He comes on his own accord and leaves on his own desires. I've not bound him nor do I stalk him like some might feel, he is free. It would be an understatement to say I don't shed tears, I do silently when a memory hits me back, for god-sake I'm a human with a heart and emotions too, but then it hurts me more when I hear people gossiping that I expect a reciprocation wherein I do not, I never did !

       It doesn't pain me anymore, this is not insanity nor a mere bookish talk but reality. It doesn't mean I don't live a normal life, I laugh...I cry and also do the daily chores like I've always been doing, this life of mine doesn't inter-wine with my daily routine, it would be best to say I'm living a parallel life. Not everyone will believe it, not that I want them to but then not everyone goes through this to this extent like I have and now I silently wait for his return though it only means a call and nothing more than that.

"So I wait for you like a lonely house,
till you will see me again and live in me.
Till then my windows ache." 

With this I'm done with the first part....I'll post the second part when I'm finished with it...Hope you like it, comments and criticism both are welcome. Thank you !   


Monday, October 25, 2010

ज़िन्दगी !

Again a short verse by me...I just want a break from my mundane routine and since I'm unable to do that due to my exams and all I ended up writing and thus comes this another verse that popped in my mind out of the blue didn't even revise it further, well this one is in Urdu ! Hope you enjoy reading this one too !


यह ज़िन्दगी भी अजीब है,
कभी झूट है तोह कभी सच
दूर से देखो तोह एक हसीं महल
और करीब जाके देखो तोह बंजर
कहीं प्यार के रंग
तोह कहीं और धोका
कशमकश ही कशमकश है
लेकिन यह भी तोह सच है
यह ज़िन्दगी बड़ी अजीब है
आज है और कल क्या पता |

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Summer Is Not Far Away !

The poem below is short I know like all my other poems but very dear to me...Also this is the very first time I'm experimenting with a happy poem moving away from melancholy finally ! Again this one has the setting as night, can't help it I love night and darkness more than the day as it helps me reflect back and it the only time I can hope for some solitude ! Hope you guys enjoy reading !

 Summer Is Not Far Away !

The evening breeze sways,
Snapping her out of her reverie,
Reflecting back her day,
A smile retraces her way.

The countless stars in the sky,
Remind her of the hours that have gone by,
Reminiscing the past and shunning the grief,
She turns on a new leaf.

Eyeing the bright moon,
She foregoes her wistful thinking,
Seeking pardon for her sins,
She prays for a new beginning.

Taking the essence of night,
She slips into her dreamy flight,
Slowly dusk turns into dawn,
And she gleams like a newborn. 


Monday, October 4, 2010

The starless black night !

The poem below has nothing to do with me, I watched something today and it was related to submissive women and women who have to undergo a lot in their life ! 

I was so touched by their condition that I couldn't help but let these thoughts evade me and thought of writing an article but ended up with a poem. Don't know whether I'm doing justice or not, hopefully I am.

The starless black night !

Sleep is a thing of past,
As love and longing has quelled my heart,
I was in distress and my soul squeaked,
For once please set me free.

Slowly days turn into night,
Yet euphoria is hard to find,
And my soul languishes in love,
Murmuring, just one more time.
Searching from door to door,
I realize I’m trapped inside,
Where factual is also a façade,
As life has turned into a haze.

I try to set myself free,
But end up molding myself to thee,
As quiescence and innocence is no longer there,
And sham has made its place there.

Starring at the seamless black sky,
Escapes nothing but a sigh,
And tears roll down my cheek,
As I realize I have a long journey to complete.


Sunday, October 3, 2010


This is a very random verse, Was just mulling over some things and a discussion that took place and ended up writing this. Well this again is a sad one but can't help it now-a-days, guess melancholy has hit me too hard this time :)


She is standing by the shore,
Gazing the bright reflection of the moon,
And feeling the soft sand beneath her sole,
She treads on a journey unknown.

Her mind wanders back to the past,
The lilies bloomed in the bright sunlight,
As her tranquil soul basked in mirth,
And the days seemed long and the journey cherub.

She walked an untrodden road,
With hope in her eyes and joy in her soul,
As serenity and peace quelled chaos,
And a soothing calmness engulfed her.

The ruffling of waves and rustling of leaves,
Snaps her back from her idyllic dream,
Dawning paradise is an eternity,
As she is lost in infinity.