And so, it Began

Prelude to Part I

December 2005

The sky was a dull shade of light inky blue. The earth flurry as it lay covered in sheets of silvery white ice, after the first snow of the season. The trees were bare with none but tiny droplets of cool melted snow. He was sitting in a tiny room inspiration-ally self-named the “Chamber of Secrets” hidden behind rows and rows of wooden cupboards that housed an array of untouched books in the library of the Victorian Primrose Hall now known as Primrose Local Academy. The room like its occupant and nature lay bare; a table with four chairs and the sparse ivy on some windows the only adornment to the faded yellow stone.

There was nothing striking about him at first glance, he was an ordinary guy of seventeen with nerdy looks and a silent smile. Yet he was someone who enjoyed the soft camaraderie within his circle of friends. Being a rather quiet day with nothing much to do, he immersed himself in the world of John Keats in a world of romanticism and introspection; letting the piled up stress from weeks drain away.

She was trying to be inconspicuous as she made her way to the small alcove but the slight tapping of her feet on the wooden floor gave her away. No sooner did she invade the serene room a sheepish smile tugged the corner of her lips, having stumbled upon him. Not really embarrassed but surprised to find him there of all places.

“Fancy seeing someone here!” she exclaimed abruptly.

“Not really surprising assuming you are a placid soul like me, who loves to escape from the cacophony of the classroom every once in a while”, replied he.

“True, though I guess retrospective would be the more apt word to describe me”, she responded before continuing “I don’t always come here seems like I always have to search for excuses to get away from my gang of girls, fifteen year olds’ can be utterly nosy when they wish to be.”

They were strangers in a sea of familiar faces, from her age he guessed her to be his junior although he was stunned to know he didn’t know her. Being based outside the outskirts of the city beyond the small town of Shimla, their academy was relatively small where everyone knew everyone making privacy an alien concept. He was suddenly overwhelmed with the need to fill the gaps and converse, to get to know someone from the scratch. He continued,

“Life is a riot of emotions where I ended up drifting from one shore to another gliding with a gamut of ideas only to realize, life is blue. I love the colour blue; to me it means abundance, loyalty and prosperity. However, I learnt it carries within itself a sense of trust," saying this he paused for a while, not knowing how to put to words his feelings. Feelings that were buried in deep. It was strange that she didn't try to fill the silence with words, but continued to wait. Wait patiently until he began speaking again, " Trust that once gained should not be dwindled but multiplied like prosperity. It is hard for me to open up to people, let alone trust and yet here I am on lazy winter afternoon being open to a stranger.”  

She settled herself in the chair opposite to his and ruminated his words for a long time. Brooding over what he said, trying to organize her incoherent thoughts. Unlike him she was an extrovert or so she thought, until she shifted locations and settled in this tranquil place as opposed to the fast paced city life she was used to. Contrary to him it was appreciation and admiration that she craved.

“All throughout my life blue was a source of serenity but with the passage of time gloom has started taking its place. People drift away, leaving memories. It's not their fault it's just the way it all works nonetheless certain reliance fades. Trust and trustworthy, do you suppose they are mutually exclusive events despite originating from the same source?”

“Nostalgia can be a gnawing ache hard to let go”, he returned his gaze to the now dark skies pondering.

He resumed a few minutes later, “How can one be trustworthy if one doesn’t believe in the concept of trust? Trust is like a secure blanket that surrounds us in a place that we consider our safe haven whereas trustworthy is assuming someone to not break our trust, our cocoon and guiding us.”

 A non committal shrug was her only acknowledgment to his response.

She was feeling stupid as if a layer of her had peeled off with just one random conversation. She stood up abruptly brushing the non-existent lint on her jacket; she spoke in a hopeful yet guarded voice “I’ve always desired a friend with whom I could revel in quiet companionship, until now I didn’t think my wish would be granted. I liked this time we spent together in soft solitude Yasin”, said she his name gleaming from the head boy batch pinned on his chest proudly.

He gave her a genuine smile, as she introduced herself as Ayah and they walked their separate ways.

-Fatima

Part I

Is Honesty Overrated?

Ever noticed you were all independent and didn't wish to be dependent on others? The reason, you knew some people don't really care or they will leave you all alone when you need them. And then a certain someone comes along and everything in your life rejuvenates. They make you feel loved, cherished and cared for. You start thinking of them as your one true friend and then you realise. It was all just a lie.

Good morning Toastmaster of the day and fellow seekers. Memories, they are like time machines, taking us to places once known. I have always been an extrovert. Someone who doesn't have trouble striking up a conversation with strangers. I could meet you today smile at you and be myself with no ulterior motive. So let me rewind and take you a few years back in time. I was a good friend..fun to be with, loyal honest and partner in crime. I still am. But I was too innocent and trusting then. 

This is a conversation between Apurva someone who is my best friend from class 6th and me. We are currently in our first year of graduation nearing May.

Apurva: Hi Fatima. How are you?

Me: Hii apurva,  I'm good. How are you? 

Apurva: I'm good too. Hey listen the reason I called you is me and Neha are meeting up for lunch so thought of asking you too. 

Fatima: Err actually I have exams in a weeks time but I could join you guys for one hour max. 

Apurva: Excuses! God knows why we were expecting something from you. And hung up the phone. 

And I kept on wondering I didn't reject did I?  So what happened?

Needless to say we did meet that day and that was the last time. It left me thinking what wrong did I do? Was it a crime to be honest and that too with your bestie. What was the point in me taking out time and going to meet when it was supposed to be the end of our more than 7 years of friendship.

The answer came to me. It was the honesty that made me drift away from my friends or maybe as I now look at it, so called friends. It was this blunt nature of mine that actually left me alone and with a void. Too much of mind flipping drama i tell you ! And so I started weaving lies to hide my pain. 

Creating a web of illusory events where I was the reason my friends left me, eventually making a brilliant fiction that could win an Oscar or at least an IIFA Award. And all because I started believing honesty was overrated.

But deep down I knew relationships cannot survive on lies. That it was time to stop lying to myself that the people I hung out with truly cared. It was time to accept the moment I am honest with them, they walk away. And not because I was honest but because they were never.

It was almost like I did not have the right to be myself. You know friends there is a saying, 

'There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn't even jump puddles for you.' And the moment I accepted that life gifted me people who are worth it. Who were genuine, who didn't shy away from the truth, both listening and telling.

People say being too honest can break relationships, but I say it doesn't rather it makes them. It was then I realised honesty is not overrated. What matters is can you handle the truth. So friends what will you do next? The next time you face a situation where you want to be honest but your mind and heart say hey if you be honest here, your friends might not understand and it will backfire. What will you do? 

Many a times you might compromise and not tell the truth. But be true to yourself, don't hesitate please be honest. If you have a true friend, a true lover they will understand and the relation will become strong but not break.

-Fatima

Unending Night

Go away...

Goodbye forever...

My justifications were nothing but trash you said.

Ranted and raved that I hurt you...

Breaking your trust and stabbing your heart...

You blamed and let me go.

And now I sit here all alone,

Staring into the oblivion with love and tear filled eyes...

Waiting will you ever realize ??

Love was then,

Love is now...

Love will never be someone else..

As love will forever be you...

-Fatima

confessions of my heart: interlude 1

This is an interlude to a story written long back! Confessions of My Heart. I've been meaning to conjure this up since a long time but finally got this together.

The story is a divided into three parts and can be found here, and somehow the interludes basically occur  after chap 2 as chap3 in the end of this series...complicated?? I hope not :)

Confessions Of My Heart: Part 1
Confessions Of My Heart: Part 2
Confessions Of My Heart: Part 3

Confessions Of My Heart: Interlude 1

I finally asked you to dance
On the last slow song
Beneath that moon that was really a disco ball
I can still feel my head on your shoulder
And hoping that song would never be over

The sun sank behind the hilltops and the dark veil gradually began settling at eventide. The fragrance of the wet soil from the rain shower earlier was wafting in the chilly air. He was sitting on his bed idly crooning the song playing on his music player. His fingers adeptly moved along the strings of his guitar and the freshly brewed coffee lay neglected on the nightstand. It was a rather quite night with nothing much to do and he let himself immerse in the memories of her.  

I haven't seen you in ages
Sometimes I find myself
Wondering where you are

It was long since he last saw her though he thought of her on daily basis. It was hard not to think of her, it was like breathing and not living. His mind wandered away and he let his heart dominate once again. He was never the one who fought inner battles but off lately the calm that reigned receded. On a quiet night, on a sunny day, at work or even when in the company of friends he felt empty and alone. He was missing her. So much that, even the beach he had taken a liking to at times like these didn’t sedate his nerves.

For me you'll always be eighteen
And beautiful and dancin' away with my heart

 In these four years of togetherness it was not that they didn’t talk ever, they did but only when he was overwhelmed and overcome by need. A need so primeval and strong that only she could soothe his burning soul. Addiction or love he chose not to name it, at the end a nameless relation was easier to elude with no explanation to offer. It might look absurd to a third person but when had they been an obvious couple. Their relation was unconventional just like them.

I brushed your curls back so I could see your eyes
And the way you moved me was like you were reading my mind
I can still feel you lean into kiss me
I can't help but wonder if you ever miss me

He sighed and drew a long breath, when he remembered their last phone conversation. At least at the moment it was.

“So, this is finally our last talk.” He said. “Is it really??” she asked regaining her composure, before continuing “I just can’t seem to believe it is.”

It was weird that they didn’t speak for a while and let the quaint silence linger a little longer, neither sure how to go about. It was then that he spoke in a neutral tone, “Trapped you finally, didn’t I? Never knew I could come up with something so brilliant.” She smiled, before replying “Yes, you trapped me but not today. The day I fell in love with you was the day I was truly trapped.” He didn’t respond to her for a while as his voice was choked with emotions. He sighed sadly as he spoke, “Good bye and take care.” And all she could muster up was a quiet, “See you, take care.”     

You headed off to college
At the end of that summer and we lost touch
I guess I didn't realize even at that moment we lost so much

Coming out of his reverie, he shook his head to clear his mind of dusty thoughts and forgotten times. This isn't the time for retrospection, he admonished himself. But he couldn’t help but wonder and spoke out loud;   

“What are you for me, Faya? Are you my friend or my girl? Is this new feeling that I have is what I'm supposed to feel for my closest friend, or for the woman I love?”

Sighing contentedly, he sips his now cold coffee as the song on the music player changes. 

Interlude 2 
-Fatima

	lady antebellum - dancing away with my heart .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

 

Only Love

Only Love

Stars shine in the deep blue sky,

Drawing a path between You & I…

Murmuring thy love so cherubic,

Making my mind revert to the memories sweet…

Closing my eyes I think of you,

Letting your love slowly course through…

The silent wind upholds promises true,

Casting a smile on my face too…

The rhythmic beat of your heart…

Sounds so soulful and divine,

Quivering I lean and kiss you…

Your lips feel so gentle on mine…

It feels so good and real,

I wish you were really here…

Holding hands, caressing my hair…

Till eyes were heavy and dropping with sleep.

And I know we will someday be,

Content and cherishing…

From daylight to dusk,

Till then its only love that comforts me!

-Fatima

Brewing Desires!

Brewing Desires!

Though it was too early but she had nothing to do, being Sunday the whole day was spent idly doing chores she didn’t wish to do or reading novels. She thought of preparing an early dinner humming soft songs, she was stirring pots on one hand and kneading the dough on the other almost ready with the dinner. It was time for him to be back home when the winds started blowing and the clouds gathered and it felt that it could rain any minute; when she remembered that some of the clothes were left on the roof and went to fetch them.

The wind blew rashly and it was seemingly difficult to manage her sari and locks of hair that flew. In fleeting seconds the rain started falling in sheets and the very reason of collecting clothes was long forgotten. Lost in her own world she began dancing drenching to the core and reveling in the rains.  

The smell of earth, the thundering clouds and the dark sky with the droplets slashing the window and wallowing trees engulfed her and she basked like a kid.

Her sky blue cotton sari had clung to her like second skin becoming almost see-through with her wet hair cascading down her back. The sound of her bangles and anklets sounded like sweet melody as the bittersweet symphony reverberated throughout. 

This is how he found her when he reached the rooftop himself drenched from the rains and the tiredness in him slowly started seeping away. He was bewitched with his patience slipping away as he watched her from a distance hoping to catch her attention but all in vain. Slowly yet steadily he walked towards her hugging her wet form from behind, when he heard her gasp.

“Zaid”, she stiffened at first but then relaxed in his hold as she recognized the touch and let her head slump back to his shoulders, “When did you come? I didn’t expect you this soon!” 

 “Hmm…just some moments ago”, he replied all the while burying his face in the crook of her neck nuzzling and inhaling her scent. She could feel his warmth all around her and his heartbeats going intense even in that splattering rain. 

She tried to escape his hold and run but he buckled her back to himself holding her securely over the stomach by one hand while he entwined the other with hers.

“Let me go the clothes are soaking”, she pleaded her voice heavy and laden with helplessness and desire. She questioned herself, how could he manage to snap her self-control within seconds and that too just about every time but she never got an answer. 

Instead of leaving her or replying to her, he pressed his body more into her gently trailing his fingers down the entire length of her. The flimsy excuse of the sari she wore did nothing to help; neither did it conceal nor reveal yet it aroused him in ways and made him do things. She felt herself going weak and bit her lips to hold back the moan that threatened to escape.  

He slowly turned her towards him, brushing her hair aside cupping her reddened cheeks kissing her closed eyes and brushed his lips against hers. She fluttered her eyelashes, his gaze intoxicating a mixture of both love and lust that she could no longer resist. She hugged him closely giving herself completely wrapping her arms around his waist kissing his heart.

In one swift move, he lifted her in his arms and raced towards the bedroom with a teasing smile as she buried her face in his shoulder.

The clothes lay where they were long forgotten and the rain got more intense and thunderous with each passing minute.    

-Fatima

Take Me Home

This has got to be the longest One Shot Story by me and frankly speaking I dunno how this has turned out to be...I just hope you guys take time out to read this one and gimme your feedback!                                                       

                                           Take Me Home

It was eleven in the morning yet the sun was nowhere to be seen, it being winter the weather was considerably below and the wind blew scattering the leaves sprawled on the ground. The nipping wind was pleasantly cold and intense ruffling her hair and making her frigid as she just wore a woolen jacket over her blue winter dress and wedge boots. She was walking down the winding country road to reach the nearest beach which was nearly an hour away; he had deemed her silly for choosing this time of the year for visiting the far off beach but seeing her determined self he had agreed.

It sounded odd to her that he had succumbed to her demands or rather in lighter terms agreed to her, had it been a usual day he probably would have argued with her for coaxing him to meet in his tight busy schedule or simply for choosing such a place to meet on a cold afternoon; though it was morning now but by the time he reached there after a good three hour long journey the sun would be at its peak or still tugged in its niche relaxing. It surely was an unusual day but that was something she didn't wish to ponder and continued walking in a slow pace.

It was way past twelve o'clock when he finally reached his desired destination, panting heavily he let out a sigh of relief of having reached on time. Alright he was late by whole forty minutes but then road blocks were common at this time of the year and she was an understanding girl; off course she was understanding though she could be a chatterbox, sarcastic and childish at times but if she had not been one they would never be where they are, as all those who knew him knew about his short temper and fickle mood swings that could just melt ice in a matter of few seconds and make people cry like they haven't in ages but somehow being with her had bought about a change in him which he was glad for as he was now a lot less temperamental and calm.

He was a businessman a shrewd one to name; people feared his wrath when things didn't go according to him and the one to commit the mistake was fired at that very moment, he didn't care of the consequence of his actions to one bit when it came to work too ethical was what he called himself, devil in disguise and ruthless is what others called him. He was not an emotionless person as the whole world considered him to be, life had taught him a lot at a very tender age and he feared opening up even now and welcoming the change though he knew being closed wouldn't help yet he dreaded to loosen the threads that tied the doors of his heart. His grandmother and elder sister were the only family he had though his sister had been married some two years back, she still made trips back home to assure that her younger brother never felt alone, he was surprisingly very close to her it was almost like what a child feels for his mother. His parents had died when they were still young in a car accident but he had miraculously survived the mishap, it was then that their paternal grandmother had taken the two orphaned kids under her wings and nursed them and earned a livelihood at an age when she should have been resting. Times had changed and now he was the owner of one of the biggest Hotel Chains in India with things at his foot-step in a matter of seconds. With the passage of time the carefree little child had turned to an angry young man until the advent of her in his life.

He still remembered the first time he met her, it was midsummer and she had been running carelessly on the road as if her life were at stake by the looks of it, it seemed as if she were all helter-skelter colliding into him and his world had come to a stop at that very instant; but before he could react or comprehend what had happened she mumbled some excuses and a sorry before she fled away leaving him in a daze for the first time ever in his life on earth. Surprisingly it felt that the whole universe had conspired against him or rather thinking back now luck was on his side she turned out to be a cousin of his brother-in-law who he never knew existed and was residing in his home from that very day as she had taken admission in the town university. What started as mere hello and later a verbal spat turned to a budding friendship and now a blossoming romance.

Coming out of his thoughts he shook his head with a smile lingering on his face and headed to the direction she was. She sat there on the sand hugging her knees close to her chest resting her chin on them and watched the rise and fall of the tides; she didn't realize his presence until he sat close to her yet a companionable silence surrounded them. Words like customary "hi" and "hello" no longer had place in their conversations until they were nervous and today was definitely not one of those days.

"It's been such a long time that we met like this, isn't it?" She spoke in a thoughtful contemplative tone, he didn't speak for a while and when the silence started to haunt him he slightly turned towards her kissing her forehead he replied "yes, three long weeks" which made her smile and resulted in a cheerful laughter from both ends as he took her in his embrace.

He was finally home, to a place where both his heart and soul resided.

                            Love is the only hope when dark times strike!

 

                                                           -Fatima



Chapter 3:

Chapter 2:

Chapter 3:

He ran hard and fast stopping at the lone abandoned bench in the midst of the forest. Sitting down he let out a rugged sigh realizing the mess he was entangled in; reflecting back he realized life had been peaceful and full of mirth with her, until a very prominent part of past returned evoking chaos!

-Fatima

P.S: I hope you understood what I meant by "her" and "past".

Post #8

Post #8

A continuation from this series...Post #7 

It was a cold rainy night with the rustling of leaves and sweet murmurs of the nearby stream, sitting beside each other they tried to put an end to the intense longing that quelled their heart and soul but words faltered and sentences broke even before escaping the confines of their heart. It seemed like an eternity had elapsed as none spoke and silence lingered with a melody of its own. Turning towards her with a gleam in his eyes entwining her fingers with his own he took her lips in his for a searing kiss as ecstasy filled the air and all faded in the desolate hour of night. 

P.S: 

With this I come to an end of this series...But as they say, "Every end is a new beginning !"

I hope you guys liked it and could connect to it...  :)

-Fatima

Post #7

Post #7

A continuation from this series...Post #6

Sitting on the rough rocks,

The harsh wind blows by...

Seeing his love and longing,

The sky too cries...

-Fatima

P.S: This time I thought of just summing up all the feelings that Mayank is going through just in some four lines, a new experiment for me...I thought of 55 words fiction but settled for this. The shorter the sweeter..do give in your valuable views :) 

Link To Next Part 

....Jaane Anjaane....

....Jaane Anjaane....

Bewafa na mein, bewafa na woh...

Zindagi ke mele mein,

Pyaar ke khel mein,

Tanhan hoon mein, tanhan hai woh....

Phool aur kaantein,

Raastein mein beche hai dono...

Girte sambhalte aapni manzil ki aur chalte,

Bahar aur patjhad ke jaise hum milte bichadte...

Zindagi ke iss khel mein,

Anjaan se safar mein,

Tanhan hoon mein...

Najaane kaisa hai woh?

-Fatima

P.S: A poem in Urdu after long back though its a bit small...hope you guys like it, will wait for your comments as well as constructive criticism as always... :)

True Joy !!

SO INNOCENT..............

         

                 Children the word itself is so delightful that words such as altruistic, naive, loving, gentle come to our mind. The best years of one's life are the childhood days; but then this is not always true as pangs and sufferings of some also surround us.

           

          Words cannot describe the immense pain that several undergo ...even though they might not tell about their grief but their heart tells so eyes are the windows to ones heart. If you can read a persons eyes, you can understand the person and his feelings. But despite preaching all this among our fellow beings how many of us really follow this practically and understand it's true meaning? Well very few! The earth is burdened yes, burdened with a plethora of people who live for just themselves and don't see others... their needs or their sufferings, these are the people who should come out of their shells and look what life really is ! Life is not only about enjoying the bounties and earning a hefty amount it's about understanding one another and spreading love and bringing joy and happiness in others life.

            

            Ask an orphan who never saw his parents,whatever be the reason his feelings and sufferings remain same..they are waiting for someone; someone to call their own. The ecstasy of a child being adopted is far more than we can imagine! Not even a hefty salary can compare to the joy and yet, there are so many people who dread; dread to adopt a child .. because they fear.. fear this society, the people and others who might raise voices against them…and then there are who wish for their biological child no its not wrong to expect that but then many people are forced into second marriages just for the sake of their "khandan ka waris" as they say (esp. in-laws you can say) this is not just fiction but the harsh reality esp in India and the sub-continent ! And then there are who treat such kids badly and abuse them just coz they are orphans or not your real kid, better give the child for adoption rather than making him/her suffer, you are not only hurting the child but indirectly committing  a sin in the eyes of god . 

The holy scriptures emphasis the “ An orphan b treated gently with love n respect ”  but despite this fact there are many who treat an orphan badly and see them as sinners wherein they themselves are doing a sin…There are very less people who don’t do like this and give such kids their due right.. 

         "Hope all people understand this coz if, they do so the world of such a child will surely light up & it will b visible and then surely love, good will and harmony will prevail in this world and maybe then we will realize what true joys are!"

P.S:  Off lately I'm thinking a lot more like over analyzing and that is really bad coz eventually it'll hurt me, so I thought of refraining from writing poems or write ups that target the emotions and all at the moment...so comes out this neutral post!

-Fatima

This post has been selected as ,

  

Thanks a lot....

Lonesome Seasons….

Lonesome Seasons...

March, April and May;

Hoping the sunshine will brighten the day.

Sunrays disperse themselves in the sky,

Unclogging the gloom obscuring the view,

Still contented, she smiles and sways…

As the sun blazes in the noon’s of May!

June, July and August;

Wishing the showers will wash the pain away.

The rainbow peeks through the sky,

Giving her hope, he will soon come home…

Longing and praying for his arrival,

Every year June just passes by!

September, October and November;

Reminiscing the memories buried deep within the heart.

Faded and crumpled, she lies

Just like the leaves beneath the sky…

Enamored and enchanted by his aura,

The November mist slowly glides!

December, January and February;

Waiting for love to gently course its way.

Basking in the subtle sun,

And enclosing the surging emotions,

She tries to elude bouts of melancholy…

In the cold and dark December nights!

Yet not living in an illusion,

Nor waiting for life to turn into a fairy tale…

She smiles with her heart and says,

I still love and live life, come what may!

-Fatima

P.S: The condition of people waiting for their loved ones back home when they are away for months or years at a stretch....

Dream Of You !

Dream Of You ! 

Sounds of the bittersweet melody,

Resonates deep within my soul...
As I lay there hoping for warmth after the coldness has gone.
I know it ain't the case and I shouldn't expect,

As I know I've blown all the chances that've come my way,

Yet there is a forlorn hope, that you truly didn't walk away....

You gave me hope, you gave me joy...

You were my light at the end of the night,

Time passed by and days too rolled

Yet there is a question that still looms...

Why did you teach me to walk again? 

When you were to leave me crumpled all alone on my own....

It's not that I did not try,

A little more time is all that I needed

Or maybe just a bit of love would have done...

I was just too scared to confess and too insecure to lose,

Lost and confused is what I was back then,

Yet it was me who had to choose.

I dunno why I still love you?

When all I should do is try to forget you....

I'm not stalking nor am I insane,

But I just can't seem to let go...

Wearing a smile on my face and a frown in my heart...

I lead my life in thy memoirs....

-Fatima

Longing!

Longing!

Standing on the shore, gazing at the sea;

The sun turns mellow and the sky ocher,

The gleaming water sweeps, as I walk wondering by;

Waiting for his arrival I let out a sigh,

As the sun finally sets, I turn back to see...

On the shore he awaits, just for me!

-Fatima

Love.....Is It ??

Love.....Is It ?? 

"For one human being to love another is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof; the work for which all other work is but preparation."

~ Rainer Maria Rilke

Off lately my thoughts seem to revolve around love, yes love nothing new yet it is! I've been coming across several magazines and articles and they all seem to concern about relationships and how...How to make a woman fall in love with you and vice-versa and some other relating to this matter! And then one fine day just out of the blue or after just one meeting you pronounce "This is the one".  

Well quite a time since I mused over this subject, as I literally had drowned myself in melancholy and left no place for love in my life; well don't know if this is entirely true or just another fiction of my mind that it has cooked up to not accept the harsh realities of life or otherwise. Since all I do is that and not let out the true things that are hidden deep within, with this one I just hope to know myself more. I guess I should stop rambling though I know its all haywire and vague but that's the way it is, let me just begin before you run away.

I wonder really wonder now-a-days if, most people out here have any damn idea what love really means? Or feel its endless depth and flights of infinite passion. I am no one to comment on this fact, because I fear believing in love or rather I fear accepting love out loud, reasons still unknown to me but what I do know, believe and truly feel is that love is more of emotions and understanding. Some of my friends might be shocked reading this as just two days back I was fighting with myself over the existence of love and doubting it to the fullest when my heart knew love does exist and hence this post, coming back to where I was. In an age of  instant gratification and casual sex and one night stands or rather just a casual fling where love is more about physical presence, gifts and constant conversing with each other rather than emotional and a spiritual connect, would they accept years of separation and hardships, minimal meeting...let alone conversing with each other and just a faint chance of being united? Not to mention there are people who endure all this but it's quite rare, ain't it? 

The recent trend being "Break k Baad" or rather "Move On" (Fast Track :D) be a better option? Asked a friend some days back to whom I didn't talk for long..."How is it between you and your boyfriend?" The instant answer that popped up was, Ah! We broke up some 2 months back....when 2 months back she claimed He is the One...my-o-my !! And when the subject of conversation is me...my friends remark; forget him, move on you'll meet someone else and so on......What I don't get is, how do you stop loving someone so damn fast? If, my friends if at all read this they're gonna bash me up, though I know they won't read as most of the times they find my write ups esp. the ones on Love to be ludicrous as they feel I don't believe a word of what I write and all...and maybe some might even stop talking to me saying, you think we are like this? This is our view on love? but hello I'm just saying in general nothing personal. But keeping that apart where was I? yep, Do these people really know what love is, the sacrifice and the pains it invariably demands or the passion and zeal that keeps you trudging till the end? Maybe I'm sounding ludicrous to some but then even I agree on this that when love is painful and abusive its advisable to move away but just minor disagreements and not giving time or freedom... no freedom is not the correct word say just the slight signs of troubles and the relationship is snapped. "Forever" is mere weeks or months!

And that is the very reason my confusion and fear for love takes birth, nevertheless I love and that too wholeheartedly though it remains unrequited! Call me mad or just a person who is stalking someone and not truly loving and caring or label my love as infatuation or anything else as a matter of fact, but I can't deny my love though it means just silently loving knowing that person will maybe never reciprocate coz, I know and believe that there will hardly be anyone will truly understand me and my love and the extent of my love and without knowing just label it call me whimsical and what not...but does it matter? No, doesn't matter anymore as I'm tired of fighting and now I just want to lead myself to where my love and my destiny takes me. On an ending note I'm reminded of the words by Jimmie Davis and Charles Mitchell, 

"You are my sunshine,

My only sunshine....

You make me happy,

When the skies are Grey;

You'll never know dear

How much I love you,

Please don't take my sunshine away!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Fatima

       

Confessions Of My Heart ! (Last Part)

I'm finally posting the epilogue of the story...It's a really short one though but then some thoughts and feelings can't even be expressed in words as words fall short and they can only be felt. Hope you can connect to it, like you could to the rest of the story, please do let me know what you all felt.
(Part 2)

(PART 3)

"I love you without knowing how, 

or when, or from where.

I love you straightforwardly, 

without complexities or pride; 

so I love you because I know no other way." 

            Some stories begin in the night while some in the broad daylight; time passes by and things change yet something things are forever the same; just like minutes turning to hours, months into years and night into days, the cycle remains unperturbed as the nature balances each and everything in accordance to the other and fulfills it's duty.  

            It was a cold November night the weather was considerably below and she was a witness to it. The void and emptiness that had engulfed her was now dissolved into nothingness; her waist long hair played deliriously with the winds and sent a shiver down her spine. She was standing in her balcony her hands swayed idly and the room was filled with the jingling sound of her bangles, there was a distant connection of bangles and them; their very first conversation had been on the subject of bangles and their significance and till today she failed to understand why did they have that conversation which was no where near rational and yet it was significant in shaping their relation; guess somethings are better left to themselves rather than fumbling with them and trying to figure it out. 

          It was way past midnight and yet she didn't feel eerie in this desolate hour as she stood watching the full moon gleaming in the starry night. The moon and the silent night had been a witness to all; their unsolicited problems, impending confusions, their silence and even their talks which were stark opposite just like they were, yet there was harmony. It seemed like an eternity had passed as she waited for his arrival; suddenly she felt a tug in her heart and she could feel his presence as he silently came and stood beside her. 

         None of them spoke and only silence lingered; it was not they did not wish to speak but there was no need for speech when silence and their hearts conversed. The tinkling of her bangles and their hushed breaths sounded like symphony in the still night. After what seemed like aeons he finally let go and spoke in a subtle voice, "Your like  water to my parched soul and I'm attracted to you like a moth to a flame!" she smiled and a tear formed in the corner of her eye as he took her into his embrace and all she said was, "My endless wait is now over!". And the night faded and at last a new dawn commenced. 

"Then love knew it was called love.
And when I lifted my eyes to your name,
suddenly your heart showed me my way"   

-Fatima

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is the end of the story. Hope you liked it and enjoyed it as much as I did  writing !