Monday, February 28, 2011

.....Midnight Monologue.....

.....Midnight Monologue.....


The night cold and frosty...
Confines me to an unknown pain,
There is a conflict surging,
Between me and my soul.

Sitting in a clustered room,
By the narrow window pane,
The hands of the clock slowly tick by...
As I wait for the moon to shine at the night.

Tears don't trickle by,
Nor stars adore the beautiful sky... 
Waiting for spring to arrive, 
I die a thousand deaths in fall...
 

Writers Note:  Ruffled, lost and a wounded soul....silence is all I wish to embrace now although silence is a silent killer. Guess I'm sounding too weak and depressed am I the only one to feel so or there are other people on this planet like me? Exam in 2 days time and I barely remember anything, just blank and here I wanted to score good grades make up for the losses, so frustrated with my poor health and everything other too... wanna do so much but failing and the moment just wanna break free...Very well know this is the wrong attitude but can't help it; but its nowhere related to the fact that what I'm studying.. I want to leave that or pursue something else...no its not that at all I'm contented with what I'm doing I really am  (some people who know me might feel this is the reason hell no its not!)

Just unable to understand how can a determined person whose always struggled and fought and came out with flying colours suddenly become so fragile and vulnerable and can't seem to find an end to this unending and deserted maze??  Something is seriously wrong dunno exactly what it is...not even able to voice out my inhibitions verbally nor can anyone read my silence...Trying to clutch to something and feel as its slipping away... everyone will tell me you're demotivating yourself and that you just can't say like this, this is the height of immaturity and feebleness but I dunno I'm unable to escape its clutches whatever it is...sigh 

P.S: I dunno whether it's right on my part to post this on my blog rather than write it down somewhere in my diary where no one knows about it....but then I guess I post everything out here and hence, even this........

-Fatima


20 comments:

  1. Hey dearie,
    Should i say you are not supposed to be like this? I guess you know better. I won't repeat the same things hundreds around you must have said.
    Fatima just turn around, see the past, and recollect, you'll know why you were happy, strong and calm. Its on your wish, happiness comes from within, you live only for yourself not for any Tom, dick or harry...
    Collect yourself and don't let it just go, struggle girl, and yes concentrate on your studies now..... Career is more important. I went through the same, can understand your feelings... But nevertheless its gonna be alright... :) You'll win! :D

    Cheer-up :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Often the goal is nearer than,
    It seems to a faint and faltering man,
    Often the struggler has given up,
    When he might have captured the victor's cup,
    And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
    How close he was to the golden crown.


    Read complete poem here
    http://www.thedontquitpoem.com/thePoem.htm

    and don't feel down, its just a phase.
    All the best with the exam.

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

    ReplyDelete
  3. Everyone goes through this phase at some point or the other.......
    Don't worry dear....Take good care of your health first....And read as much as you can....Don't over strain yourself....

    All the best for your exams...
    Take care.....

    ReplyDelete
  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Take care of urself....and u dint so any wrong by posting this here.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hey girl,don't worry..
    Everything wil be fine..
    Jus tk cr of ur health and studies.
    With lot of love,
    Neeha

    ReplyDelete
  7. it's you who can make yourself happy or sad. It's only you who can inspire yourself, back to tranquility Fatima. You know whats wrong & its time to act now. Cheer up girl.

    Inspiration has to come from within, don't depend or expect anyone to help you out. Wish peace be on you. Take care.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hey, Hi
    life is always a series of ups and downs...some times, its jus that the down time lasts a bit longer and goes a bit deeper...jus let it be...if you feel like sulkin gin pain, so be it...time heals every wound and it also answers every question...
    Trust time to bring you out of it...
    :)

    Regards,
    The Silhouette...

    p.s. - people are judgmental, they always will be. dont let it affect your decisions...

    ReplyDelete
  9. @ Everyone: I don't wanna give separate replies to all of you guys coz what ever I'll be saying will be the same...

    ermm...I know very well that no one can help me in this and I do not want someone's help or sympathy also....but the fact was keeping all this inside me was sorta eating me up and even if I had written it down somewhere else I would have kept on reverting back to it!

    The only person who can help me is me myself...its just that guess I've become too saturated and want a break and understand things and not just let go of them for others happiness....@ Anshul: I do know that poem...Don't Quit, I keep on reading that !!

    And I feel maybe this phase will pass and its affecting me more coz despite all these hardships I'm feeling a bit lonely missing someone close...but can't tell them, don't want them to be angry on me...when people do care for you they do tend to get angry !

    But at the end, I thank you guys at least I feel I'm not alone someone is there who is listening...I guess I've near about ruined my first UT coz of all this insecurities n health stuff too...but its not the end 2 terms are still there to cover up and Inshallah this won't repeat! Guess at times failure and struggles do teach a lot and its necessary as after hardship the success does taste sweeter than it really is...

    Thanks for the moral support....at times you do feel the need to be needed, and I needed that only I guess...

    Take Care.

    ReplyDelete
  10. In your next post, hopefully, we need your comeback stories Fatima. All the best.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Waiting for spring to arrive,
    I die a thousand deaths in fall...
    beautiful lines i am simply smitten,

    and wish u loads of luck for your exams and it reminded of a old fable thats when akbar asked birbal to say something that will make him sad when he is happy and happy when he is sad birbal replied---
    'Tis time will pass away'.
    so have faith in yourself,and live the moment.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Submit your blog into http://en.hamarivani.com.

    Hamarivani is an Indian Blogs Aggregator.

    ReplyDelete
  13. @ Mak: About my next post..its something I've wanted to post since jan...hopefully I'll be able to post it now..coz now I have the resources I was waiting for :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. @ Rolling Stone: Thanks a lot for you're comment ! Glad you liked those lines..quite close to reality aren't they?

    time does pass and things do fade away...

    Take Care.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hi Fatima,
    how are you?
    you have expressed your feelings very well. There is nothing wrong in expressing what you feels and going through as long you youself ok with it while sharing.
    It require guts. .which you hv shown. .I too hv off late went through this thought to or not to share over here. . but went on w/o giving it too much. to think on. .
    just at the moment focus on exams hope they are going well.
    wish you all the very best. .do well

    take care
    keep smiling.

    ReplyDelete
  16. commnt only 4 the poem......n fatima u know y....lovely picture.....delignt hope coated wid bitter grief....loved the poem....realy did....:)....but next time i want somethin pole oppsit......gud luck.....

    ReplyDelete
  17. the moon..sigh! it digs out so so many emotions..i can well understnd! i donno if its late to be commenting on this post but I will nonetheless say 'at the darkest hour, the soul is replenished and given strength to continue and endure' ...so live through these dark times and believe me it will pass off...:))


    sarah

    ReplyDelete
  18. @ Vivek: Hey I'm good as of now!
    I'm no one to comment on whether I've expressed my feelings well or not coz they are just my feelings..nevertheless never knew I'm so good at putting forth my feelings to the world, it doesn't mean I'm clear as crystal or an open book.. happens with everyone I guess and we have to move on; some people accept it out loud some don't and I'm one of those who don't fear letting it out to the world !

    My exams are over..they were alright....
    Thanks a lot for the comment...glad you took time out !

    Take Care.

    ReplyDelete
  19. @ Vaisakhi: Yeah I know the comment is only for the poem...I know you would never comment for the write up, not expecting one for it though :)

    Thanks a lot and glad you liked the poem and the imagery it created...about pole opposite one, lets see if I'm able to create one...till then be happy with what I can give ;)

    Take Care.

    ReplyDelete
  20. @ subtlescribbler: Yeah moon and its diverse meaning and interpretations...different to all, yet at some point they do merge...

    I dunno if it was late or not, coz certain things are beyond the time limit and this is one of those...well I think this is quite true ain't it? The darkest hour is just before the dawn...but dunno how much it holds true in my case !

    Anyways I'm just trying to see the positive aspect of it :)

    Thanks for the comment...

    Take Care.

    ReplyDelete

Do drop in your views...Comments as well as Criticism is welcome !

Catch up with me at lyraa.starry@gmail.com

Thank You !!