Ever noticed you were all independent and didn't wish to be dependent on others? The reason, you knew some people don't really care or they will leave you all alone when you need them. And then a certain someone comes along and everything in your life rejuvenates. They make you feel loved, cherished and cared for. You start thinking of them as your one true friend and then you realise. It was all just a lie.
Good morning Toastmaster of the day and fellow seekers. Memories, they are like time machines, taking us to places once known. I have always been an extrovert. Someone who doesn't have trouble striking up a conversation with strangers. I could meet you today smile at you and be myself with no ulterior motive. So let me rewind and take you a few years back in time. I was a good friend..fun to be with, loyal honest and partner in crime. I still am. But I was too innocent and trusting then.
This is a conversation between Apurva someone who is my best friend from class 6th and me. We are currently in our first year of graduation nearing May.
Apurva: Hi Fatima. How are you?
Me: Hii apurva, I'm good. How are you?
Apurva: I'm good too. Hey listen the reason I called you is me and Neha are meeting up for lunch so thought of asking you too.
Fatima: Err actually I have exams in a weeks time but I could join you guys for one hour max.
Apurva: Excuses! God knows why we were expecting something from you. And hung up the phone.
And I kept on wondering I didn't reject did I? So what happened?
Needless to say we did meet that day and that was the last time. It left me thinking what wrong did I do? Was it a crime to be honest and that too with your bestie. What was the point in me taking out time and going to meet when it was supposed to be the end of our more than 7 years of friendship.
The answer came to me. It was the honesty that made me drift away from my friends or maybe as I now look at it, so called friends. It was this blunt nature of mine that actually left me alone and with a void. Too much of mind flipping drama i tell you ! And so I started weaving lies to hide my pain.
Creating a web of illusory events where I was the reason my friends left me, eventually making a brilliant fiction that could win an Oscar or at least an IIFA Award. And all because I started believing honesty was overrated.
But deep down I knew relationships cannot survive on lies. That it was time to stop lying to myself that the people I hung out with truly cared. It was time to accept the moment I am honest with them, they walk away. And not because I was honest but because they were never.
It was almost like I did not have the right to be myself. You know friends there is a saying,
'There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn't even jump puddles for you.' And the moment I accepted that life gifted me people who are worth it. Who were genuine, who didn't shy away from the truth, both listening and telling.
People say being too honest can break relationships, but I say it doesn't rather it makes them. It was then I realised honesty is not overrated. What matters is can you handle the truth. So friends what will you do next? The next time you face a situation where you want to be honest but your mind and heart say hey if you be honest here, your friends might not understand and it will backfire. What will you do?
Many a times you might compromise and not tell the truth. But be true to yourself, don't hesitate please be honest. If you have a true friend, a true lover they will understand and the relation will become strong but not break.
-Fatima
